This weekend we hosted our first slumber party. It was Little Reader's 9th birthday and she has been to two sleepovers at another friend's house, but this was the first time any of her friends spent the night at our house. She invited her 3 BFFs and they all came. The party started at 5PM and one of her friend's showed up on the dot. The other two didn't show up until 6 as their parents had misread the evite.
Once they had all arrived and finished the initial fits of giggles, I set them up to make T-shirts with fabric paint. I gave them the supplies and left them alone. One of their friends is known as the creative one, in no time we overheard comments praising how her shirt looked so nice, and better than theirs. I checked in periodically but the funny part was that by the time they were done each shirt represented their personalities perfectly.
I set up a seperate table for the foursome for dinner - pizza followed by ice cream cake and Nutella fudge. To drink - "cocktails" My daughters love the Welchs juices - especially mixing the white grape peach mango and the orange pineapple apple. I think it's overly sweet but I'm putting off allowing sodas as long as possible.
After dinner Little Reader opened her presents - a lava lamp, Apples to Apples game and a color your own messenger bag and panda bear. She loved them all. Once we got the little ones to bed, Little Reader and her friends played her new game and talked for a while. Finally they wanted to watch a movie and we hit the first glitch of the night. Little Reader had picked Princess Bride as her movie and despite the fact that we just bought the movie I couldn't find it. We have one of those turntable 400 disc players, but unfortunately you have to load the info yourself and for some reason this one never got labeled. As hard as I tried I couldn't find it. We checked Netflix and found Princess Protection Program (or something like that) for them. One of them had seen it before and they all agreed on it. Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez instead of Robin Wright and Cary Elwes - no contest to me, but it was getting late and I wasn't going to fight this bunch. But in my passive aggressive way I will make sure to find it before the next sleepover ;)
The movie ended around midnight and Little Reader asked that we set up their beds.When I was a kid we slept on the floor in our sleeping bags. Little Reader had told me that their prior sleepover they had slept on sofas and beds but I assumed they all had sleeping bags. I got our pull out couch set up while my husband blewup the air mattress and told them to get their sleeping bags out and they all looked at me dumbfounded. They didn't have any. ????? Not sure why, but luckily we have a few extras due to Indian Princess. My husband and I left them and hoped that they would sleep in in the morning, especially given the time change.
No such luck, 3 of them never slept, and Little Reader came in asking for breakfast around 730 - no chance kid, see you later. 830, she and 2 of her friends were in my room. That was inappropriate (and I'll talk to her about that later). I sent them away, got up and started on homemade pancakes and bacon. 930 we had breakfast and they were all gone by 1030. Little Reader swore she wasn't tired after staying up all night, but dozed off by 1130 for 3 hours, got up had a late lunch, dozed off again, and then woke up for dinner, watched the Hawks game - they lost :( and then off to bed.
Bottom line - she had a great time and it was a very easy party. Two years ago we had 10 kids at our house for a science party for two hours and were exhausted, this time it was 4 kids, 17 hours and pretty easy - aside from a little badgering to get breakfast started.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Monday, March 11, 2013
Friday, November 16, 2012
Girls Night Out
Monday night I went out to dinner with 4 friends for a far too infrequent girls night out. We all know each other through my friend who is getting divorced. She wasn't able to make it, and in a way that was better. This was the first time we'd all gotten together since getting the news and we all needed to talk through it. We all have known both sides for a long time and I admit there are other members of the group who will have a much harder time with this than I am.
Our little group was made up of
- her sister in law
- the wife of her close friend (and former high school boyfriend) who used to be roommates with the husband
- the wife of her good friend from college
- the sister of her college roommates exhusband
- me
Obviously the first two are the most conflicted. We all agreed that we don't have any desire to socialize with the new guy. Although one of our group actually did meet him one night when they happened to go to a play on the same night. She wasn't impressed.
I think we would all have had an easier time with it if there was no infidelity involved. They have finally told their kids which apparently did not go well - no real surprise there.
We didn't spend the whole time gossiping about them, we also caught up on other happier topics. but it was therapeutic for all of us to talk about since we are all in the same boat, and like I mentioned she is the common friend that brought us all together.
The next few get togethers are going to be awkward no doubt. I hope as they make the transition to their new lives (they're still living in the same house) things will get easier, but I think we're slowly working our way through the stages of grief and now are mostly in the anger phase. Next apparently is sadness and then finally acceptance and hope.
I'm sad for the kids having to be dealing with this all right as the holidays are coming up. It's going to rough for all of them, but I hope they make it through ok.
Since it was a Monday night it was a fairly early night, I was home by 10. My husband was initially surprised that I was home so early, but as I told him women can cover more in two hours than men will in a month ;)
We all decided we need to make these get togethers more frequent and hopefully we will make it work.
Our little group was made up of
- her sister in law
- the wife of her close friend (and former high school boyfriend) who used to be roommates with the husband
- the wife of her good friend from college
- the sister of her college roommates exhusband
- me
Obviously the first two are the most conflicted. We all agreed that we don't have any desire to socialize with the new guy. Although one of our group actually did meet him one night when they happened to go to a play on the same night. She wasn't impressed.
I think we would all have had an easier time with it if there was no infidelity involved. They have finally told their kids which apparently did not go well - no real surprise there.
We didn't spend the whole time gossiping about them, we also caught up on other happier topics. but it was therapeutic for all of us to talk about since we are all in the same boat, and like I mentioned she is the common friend that brought us all together.
The next few get togethers are going to be awkward no doubt. I hope as they make the transition to their new lives (they're still living in the same house) things will get easier, but I think we're slowly working our way through the stages of grief and now are mostly in the anger phase. Next apparently is sadness and then finally acceptance and hope.
I'm sad for the kids having to be dealing with this all right as the holidays are coming up. It's going to rough for all of them, but I hope they make it through ok.
Since it was a Monday night it was a fairly early night, I was home by 10. My husband was initially surprised that I was home so early, but as I told him women can cover more in two hours than men will in a month ;)
We all decided we need to make these get togethers more frequent and hopefully we will make it work.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Stop Making Excuses - Make New Friends But Keep the Old
As I've mentioned before I moved around a little growing up and my parents no longer live in what I consider my hometown (where I lived from age 3-15).
I have never made friends easily. Mostly I relied on people to approach me. I rarely take the first step. Once someone befriends me I do open up but I hate to admit the insecurities are there for a little while.
When we moved to our current town nine years ago I didn't know anyone but was often reassured that once I had kids, I'd meet lots of people. Three kids later, it's true I know lots of people in town and have common interests with some but don't have any I would call friends.
The other day one of my good friends from grade/high school facemailed me saying she was listening to the 80s station on the radio and thinking back to all the fun times we had together. I replied with a quote from Stand By Me. "I never had any friends later like the ones I had when I was twelve." Which is definitely true but kind of bittersweet.
I joined a women's group shortly after Little Reader was born, and I've participated sporadically. The other night they had a wine tasting at a local boutique. Bring a bottle of wine for blind tasting, get 20% off women's clothing. It started at 6, by the time my husband came home and we had eaten it was almost seven, I started making excuses of why I should just skip it, then I realized I have to stop making excuses and just go. What's the worst that's going to happen? So I changed and went.
There were a lot of new faces but a couple of familiar. I talked to a few people, tried some wines and went home with a Vera Bradley iPad cover and a cool new LBD. Not a bad night. Still while there was no one there I really clicked with, I'm never any good at taking it to that next step. Making new friends is kind of like dating. Since I met my husband so early in college, I never really dated much so don't really know how. I guess some women go for coffee, I don't drink coffee. I know making excuses again, but seriously, how do you progress from acquaintance to friend?
While I need to make an effort to make new friends, I also need to do a better job keeping up with the old. My 3 best friends are all spread out, and we keep up on each others lives mostly via FB. While that's good in some ways, it's not the same as a phone call and I need to start making the time to reconnect. I have all sorts of excuses there too. Two of them work full time and I don't want to disturb them at work (when I tend to not have kids around and actually can talk on the phone). While they could probably talk in the evenings that's my time to relax, and catch up with my husband. The other has 4 kids and is home. Again I need to stop making excuses.
I have never made friends easily. Mostly I relied on people to approach me. I rarely take the first step. Once someone befriends me I do open up but I hate to admit the insecurities are there for a little while.
When we moved to our current town nine years ago I didn't know anyone but was often reassured that once I had kids, I'd meet lots of people. Three kids later, it's true I know lots of people in town and have common interests with some but don't have any I would call friends.
The other day one of my good friends from grade/high school facemailed me saying she was listening to the 80s station on the radio and thinking back to all the fun times we had together. I replied with a quote from Stand By Me. "I never had any friends later like the ones I had when I was twelve." Which is definitely true but kind of bittersweet.
I joined a women's group shortly after Little Reader was born, and I've participated sporadically. The other night they had a wine tasting at a local boutique. Bring a bottle of wine for blind tasting, get 20% off women's clothing. It started at 6, by the time my husband came home and we had eaten it was almost seven, I started making excuses of why I should just skip it, then I realized I have to stop making excuses and just go. What's the worst that's going to happen? So I changed and went.
There were a lot of new faces but a couple of familiar. I talked to a few people, tried some wines and went home with a Vera Bradley iPad cover and a cool new LBD. Not a bad night. Still while there was no one there I really clicked with, I'm never any good at taking it to that next step. Making new friends is kind of like dating. Since I met my husband so early in college, I never really dated much so don't really know how. I guess some women go for coffee, I don't drink coffee. I know making excuses again, but seriously, how do you progress from acquaintance to friend?
While I need to make an effort to make new friends, I also need to do a better job keeping up with the old. My 3 best friends are all spread out, and we keep up on each others lives mostly via FB. While that's good in some ways, it's not the same as a phone call and I need to start making the time to reconnect. I have all sorts of excuses there too. Two of them work full time and I don't want to disturb them at work (when I tend to not have kids around and actually can talk on the phone). While they could probably talk in the evenings that's my time to relax, and catch up with my husband. The other has 4 kids and is home. Again I need to stop making excuses.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Brownie Campout
This weekend Little Reader and I went on her first Brownie campout. We stayed in cabins at a very nice YMCA camp in Wisconsin.
We started off with horseback riding at a stable on the way to the camp. It was raining most of the ride up but had stopped by the time everyone got there. Little Reader was the first to get saddled up and she was a little nervous never having ridden a horse before. I have to admit I was a little nervous too. The last time I rode a horse I was in 3rd grade and I think it was technically a pony. I didn't tell her that though as I wanted her to feel like there was no reason to be nervous, cause there really wasn't.
We were led by a guide and took about an hour ride on a trail through the forest. It was really pretty and I would have taken pictures but was too nervous to let go of the reins and saddle to fish the camera out of my pocket. We all had very easygoing horses, so everyone was fine and enjoyed it.
We headed a bit further North to our camp and settled in and had lunch. The cabin was extremely nice - 2 levels with 8 rooms with 4 bunks each, 4 full baths. The lower level had a full kitchen, ping pong table, living room with sunken fireplace. Plenty of room for 13 girls and their Moms (especially since 6 people didn't even spend the night).
After lunch we went to the cabin to make our snack. The leaders had found a cute poem about the meaning of Girl Scouts. Each girl had been assigned an ingredient that symbolized that trait (predetermined by the leaders). We dumped them all into a huge garbage bag, gave it a few good shakes and scooped up cups into Ziploc Bags for everyone of Kix, M&Ms, popcorn, pretzels, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, and a couple of other things. It was pretty good, and a cute idea. Ok, there was a minor technical difficulty when the bag ripped due to the weight of the M&Ms and chips but we solved that quickly.
Next was the archery range. The girls all got a few turns and Little Reader had a couple of really good shots. The Moms all got to try too. I have to admit I surprised myself by actually hitting one about 2 inches from the bulls eye. I'm normally not good at these aiming things.
Then we headed to the climbing wall. Little Reader had tried it at Indian Princess so immediately suited up. There was a zip line in the same area and she was a little disappointed we weren't doing it, but she's done that before (and will again) at the Indian Princess campouts. Most of the girls made it all the way to the top, and a couple went twice. None of the Mom's did this one.
Last was the low ropes course. There were about 8 different sections that you had to get through. Some you could get through solo, but most required some teamwork. Nobody set any records on this one, but they did all have fun and worked together well.
At that point we were done with our scheduled activities for the day, but our camp leader suggested we try out the tube slides before dinner. I was picturing alpine slides, but when we got there we saw long corrugated black tubes with some pretty beat up cracked sleds next to them. There were a bunch of Dads there with an Indian Princess group who laughed when we asked where the good sleds were. Those were the good sleds. The daredevils went first and pretty soon all the girls were going and they had a blast. A few of the Moms went too - not me. I'm not a fan of tight dark places even if you could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
After dinner we went back to our cabin and made a craft. Fleece pillows that you tie and stuff. Everyone signed each others. It was cute, and they were all excited about them.
Around 730, our camp coordinator came back to walk us to our campfire. It was just a brief walk through the woods but we never would have found it in the dark. They had already built the fire for us, and the two camp employees led us in silly sing a long. After that we made smores and then headed back to our cabin.
The girls were all pretty hyped up on chocolate at this point, so started getting a bit crazy. We managed to get them in pjs and started a game of charades (thankfully the Moms were just the audience, I hate charades). They had a lot of fun playing, and once they were doing well one of the Mom's brought out a box of wine, which actually was pretty decent - Bota box red zin. We all turned in around 11, and Little Reader and I slept until about 7.
After a quick breakfast we headed out to the marsh right by our cabin for a nature walk. The leaves have started to turn a little bit so it was really pretty. The girls all picked wildflowers and cattails along the way. IT was a fun weekend and although it was chilly we had clear weather the whole time. One of the great things about the trip was that it was largely paid for with money the girls are earned selling cookies last year.
On the way home we stopped at Mars' Cheese Castle. If you have ever crossed the Illinois/Wisconsin border on I-94 you've seen this place. It's an over the top cheese store. They have every kind of cheese you could imagine (some of the stranger ones were Chocoloate Gouda Fudge and Blueberry Gouda). They have cheese breads and other baked goods, lots of candy and chocolate, all kinds of interesting sodas, and Packers paraphernalia. It's worth a stop and a peek if you're passing by.
We got home around lunch time and had a little time to relax before her soccer game. Her team won again. She had one shot on goal that went wide and a few other good plays.
It was fun to spend time with her one on one since we so rarely get to do that anymore. I enjoyed watching her interact with her friends and having fun. I also liked getting to know her classmates a little better and was glad to find out that the ones I find annoying she did too. She's much more social and confident than I am. There was a piano in our cabin and she played her current piece quite a few times just because she wanted to (I would have been embarrassed to do that in case someone heard me mess up). Then again she plays better than I do. But she's good advertising for her teacher - three different people asked where she takes lessons as they wanted to start their children on piano.
It was good to finally get to really talk to the other Moms. It's funny when your kids are babies/toddlers you have lots of time to chat with other Moms at pickup/dropoff/play time etc. As they get older those opportunities go away. Our school lets 3rd graders walk home on their own and many do. For the most part the Moms are a good bunch. There are a couple who I think are a little too hands off and let their kids get away with too much, but also some who I discovered were more fun than I had expected.
When we came home and I told my husband about our trip he joked about the difference between Moms and Dads planning a campout. They don't have a "concierge" who coordinates and leads activities and prebuilds the campfire. They don't do a cute craft or make their own snacks. Their cabins are a bit more rustic and no one showers (or plays piano). Still we all have fun with our kids and that's what matters.
We started off with horseback riding at a stable on the way to the camp. It was raining most of the ride up but had stopped by the time everyone got there. Little Reader was the first to get saddled up and she was a little nervous never having ridden a horse before. I have to admit I was a little nervous too. The last time I rode a horse I was in 3rd grade and I think it was technically a pony. I didn't tell her that though as I wanted her to feel like there was no reason to be nervous, cause there really wasn't.
We were led by a guide and took about an hour ride on a trail through the forest. It was really pretty and I would have taken pictures but was too nervous to let go of the reins and saddle to fish the camera out of my pocket. We all had very easygoing horses, so everyone was fine and enjoyed it.
We headed a bit further North to our camp and settled in and had lunch. The cabin was extremely nice - 2 levels with 8 rooms with 4 bunks each, 4 full baths. The lower level had a full kitchen, ping pong table, living room with sunken fireplace. Plenty of room for 13 girls and their Moms (especially since 6 people didn't even spend the night). After lunch we went to the cabin to make our snack. The leaders had found a cute poem about the meaning of Girl Scouts. Each girl had been assigned an ingredient that symbolized that trait (predetermined by the leaders). We dumped them all into a huge garbage bag, gave it a few good shakes and scooped up cups into Ziploc Bags for everyone of Kix, M&Ms, popcorn, pretzels, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, and a couple of other things. It was pretty good, and a cute idea. Ok, there was a minor technical difficulty when the bag ripped due to the weight of the M&Ms and chips but we solved that quickly.
Next was the archery range. The girls all got a few turns and Little Reader had a couple of really good shots. The Moms all got to try too. I have to admit I surprised myself by actually hitting one about 2 inches from the bulls eye. I'm normally not good at these aiming things.
Then we headed to the climbing wall. Little Reader had tried it at Indian Princess so immediately suited up. There was a zip line in the same area and she was a little disappointed we weren't doing it, but she's done that before (and will again) at the Indian Princess campouts. Most of the girls made it all the way to the top, and a couple went twice. None of the Mom's did this one.
Last was the low ropes course. There were about 8 different sections that you had to get through. Some you could get through solo, but most required some teamwork. Nobody set any records on this one, but they did all have fun and worked together well.
At that point we were done with our scheduled activities for the day, but our camp leader suggested we try out the tube slides before dinner. I was picturing alpine slides, but when we got there we saw long corrugated black tubes with some pretty beat up cracked sleds next to them. There were a bunch of Dads there with an Indian Princess group who laughed when we asked where the good sleds were. Those were the good sleds. The daredevils went first and pretty soon all the girls were going and they had a blast. A few of the Moms went too - not me. I'm not a fan of tight dark places even if you could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
After dinner we went back to our cabin and made a craft. Fleece pillows that you tie and stuff. Everyone signed each others. It was cute, and they were all excited about them.
Around 730, our camp coordinator came back to walk us to our campfire. It was just a brief walk through the woods but we never would have found it in the dark. They had already built the fire for us, and the two camp employees led us in silly sing a long. After that we made smores and then headed back to our cabin.
The girls were all pretty hyped up on chocolate at this point, so started getting a bit crazy. We managed to get them in pjs and started a game of charades (thankfully the Moms were just the audience, I hate charades). They had a lot of fun playing, and once they were doing well one of the Mom's brought out a box of wine, which actually was pretty decent - Bota box red zin. We all turned in around 11, and Little Reader and I slept until about 7.
After a quick breakfast we headed out to the marsh right by our cabin for a nature walk. The leaves have started to turn a little bit so it was really pretty. The girls all picked wildflowers and cattails along the way. IT was a fun weekend and although it was chilly we had clear weather the whole time. One of the great things about the trip was that it was largely paid for with money the girls are earned selling cookies last year.
On the way home we stopped at Mars' Cheese Castle. If you have ever crossed the Illinois/Wisconsin border on I-94 you've seen this place. It's an over the top cheese store. They have every kind of cheese you could imagine (some of the stranger ones were Chocoloate Gouda Fudge and Blueberry Gouda). They have cheese breads and other baked goods, lots of candy and chocolate, all kinds of interesting sodas, and Packers paraphernalia. It's worth a stop and a peek if you're passing by.
We got home around lunch time and had a little time to relax before her soccer game. Her team won again. She had one shot on goal that went wide and a few other good plays.
It was fun to spend time with her one on one since we so rarely get to do that anymore. I enjoyed watching her interact with her friends and having fun. I also liked getting to know her classmates a little better and was glad to find out that the ones I find annoying she did too. She's much more social and confident than I am. There was a piano in our cabin and she played her current piece quite a few times just because she wanted to (I would have been embarrassed to do that in case someone heard me mess up). Then again she plays better than I do. But she's good advertising for her teacher - three different people asked where she takes lessons as they wanted to start their children on piano.
It was good to finally get to really talk to the other Moms. It's funny when your kids are babies/toddlers you have lots of time to chat with other Moms at pickup/dropoff/play time etc. As they get older those opportunities go away. Our school lets 3rd graders walk home on their own and many do. For the most part the Moms are a good bunch. There are a couple who I think are a little too hands off and let their kids get away with too much, but also some who I discovered were more fun than I had expected.
When we came home and I told my husband about our trip he joked about the difference between Moms and Dads planning a campout. They don't have a "concierge" who coordinates and leads activities and prebuilds the campfire. They don't do a cute craft or make their own snacks. Their cabins are a bit more rustic and no one showers (or plays piano). Still we all have fun with our kids and that's what matters.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Friendship - Part 1
I asked if she had invited A to play and she said she had, and was told that she would rather work on cartwheels or whatever. I asked her if she had told A how she feels about being left out and she said yes. As she was telling me all this, Sting started singing in my head,
Free, free, set them free
Free, free, set them free
Free, free, set them free
I asked her if she had ever heard the phrase, "if you love somebody, set them free". I told her that either A has made new friends based on her new interests and she and A may not be as close anymore, or if she stops asking A to play, she may eventually get tired of her gymnastics stuff and come back and want to play with Little Reader again. In the meantime she still has S and other friends. It's always sad to lose a friend, but it happens - especially in grade school.
Friendship - Part 2
14 years ago we moved to Chicago and I didn't know anyone. I was nervous about making friends as I'm just not very good at meeting new people.
My husband (then fiancé) was starting his residency so was going to be working long hours and would pretty much only be meeting other residents. When you spend 80-100 hours a week working with people those are usually the last people you want to see on your time off. The onus was on me to fill our social calendar.
There was another girl who started the same day as I did. She was in many ways the extroverted version of me. She had gone to college and worked a few years in Chicago so had lots of friends. Her boyfriend at the time and my husband hit it off pretty quickly. The rest of the company was also a social bunch and it didn't take long before Friday night happy hours became the norm, and it wasn't unusual for those happy hours to last past midnight.
Fast forward 6 years. I stopped working when Little Reader was born, she and her boyfriend got married and had kids of their own and she stopped working too. They live pretty close by us and our husbands have a weekly tee time at the local course and we would all hang out at the beach in the summer.
This past weekend my husband was late coming back from golf and at first I was pretty pissed as I had to take all three kids with me to Little Hugger's dance class and couldn't go running as I had planned. Found out later that the reason for the delay was that his friend had told him that they are getting divorced. They had been having trouble for a while and she recently admitted to having an affair.
At this point I'm not really sure what to do. Despite being in close proximity and often seeing each other and having fun in group settings, she and I haven't done anything together just the two of us in ages (if ever, now that I really think about it). Obviously our husbands are closer friends than we are at this point. I've been going back and forth trying to decide whether to contact her and if so how.
We never talk on the phone, so it would be awkward if I called out of the blue. A Facebook message or email seems too impersonal. I thought about a good old-fashioned letter but not even sure what to say. At this point I'm sure she knows that I know, and as more time goes by it's going to get more awkward. Our next group event is a friend's kids birthday party next month. That seems too long to go without any contact. Our circle of friends is mostly people we met through her at some point.
If it were just irreconcilable differences or whatever the term is these days, I think it would be much easier for me to reach out to her. Say I'm sorry to hear they're getting divorced, let her vent if she wants to, and move on. I've had other friends get divorced but in those cases I had a definite allegiance to one of the people. This is the first time I've been friends with both of them.
The ironic thing in this whole situation is I vividly remember a lunch room conversation about the movie Unfaithful with Richard Gere and Diane Lane back when we were working. Someone was raving about the performances and suggesting we should all see it and she vehemently refused. She said she could watch scary movies, suspenseful movies, but she couldn't stand watching movies about infidelity as it was the worst thing you could do to another person.
I guess as my Mom always said, you have an opinion til you get another.
My husband (then fiancé) was starting his residency so was going to be working long hours and would pretty much only be meeting other residents. When you spend 80-100 hours a week working with people those are usually the last people you want to see on your time off. The onus was on me to fill our social calendar.
There was another girl who started the same day as I did. She was in many ways the extroverted version of me. She had gone to college and worked a few years in Chicago so had lots of friends. Her boyfriend at the time and my husband hit it off pretty quickly. The rest of the company was also a social bunch and it didn't take long before Friday night happy hours became the norm, and it wasn't unusual for those happy hours to last past midnight.
Fast forward 6 years. I stopped working when Little Reader was born, she and her boyfriend got married and had kids of their own and she stopped working too. They live pretty close by us and our husbands have a weekly tee time at the local course and we would all hang out at the beach in the summer.
This past weekend my husband was late coming back from golf and at first I was pretty pissed as I had to take all three kids with me to Little Hugger's dance class and couldn't go running as I had planned. Found out later that the reason for the delay was that his friend had told him that they are getting divorced. They had been having trouble for a while and she recently admitted to having an affair.
At this point I'm not really sure what to do. Despite being in close proximity and often seeing each other and having fun in group settings, she and I haven't done anything together just the two of us in ages (if ever, now that I really think about it). Obviously our husbands are closer friends than we are at this point. I've been going back and forth trying to decide whether to contact her and if so how.
We never talk on the phone, so it would be awkward if I called out of the blue. A Facebook message or email seems too impersonal. I thought about a good old-fashioned letter but not even sure what to say. At this point I'm sure she knows that I know, and as more time goes by it's going to get more awkward. Our next group event is a friend's kids birthday party next month. That seems too long to go without any contact. Our circle of friends is mostly people we met through her at some point.
If it were just irreconcilable differences or whatever the term is these days, I think it would be much easier for me to reach out to her. Say I'm sorry to hear they're getting divorced, let her vent if she wants to, and move on. I've had other friends get divorced but in those cases I had a definite allegiance to one of the people. This is the first time I've been friends with both of them.
The ironic thing in this whole situation is I vividly remember a lunch room conversation about the movie Unfaithful with Richard Gere and Diane Lane back when we were working. Someone was raving about the performances and suggesting we should all see it and she vehemently refused. She said she could watch scary movies, suspenseful movies, but she couldn't stand watching movies about infidelity as it was the worst thing you could do to another person.
I guess as my Mom always said, you have an opinion til you get another.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Campout
This weekend I'm taking Little Reader on her first Brownie campout. It's just a quick overnight to a YMCA camp about 2 hours away.
She's been on campouts before for Indian Princess with her Dad, but this is the first time she and I are going.
As the weekend passed I started wondering what we should pack. I got the suggested packing list from one of the troop leaders yesterday and it's crazy. Sleeping bag, waterbottle, and flashlight are the obvious necessities. Soap/shampoo/towel for showering. For clothes, they recommend bringing 3 different outfits (aside from the one you wear when you arrive), 4 pairs of underwear, 4 pairs of socks, 2 sweatshirts, 2 pairs of shoes.
I understand we're going horseback riding which can get dirty, and maybe canoeing so you could get wet, but come on. Did I mention we will be gone for 24 hours? The killer is that at the bottom of the page they remind you not to pack more than you can carry ;)
What's the packing list when the Dads go? Sleeping bag, flashlight, and clothes appropriate for the weather. No one showers cause it's only 24 hours. Adult beverages for the Dads for after the girls are in bed. That's it. Actually that last item is missing from our packing list. Hm. Would I look like an alcoholic if I bring a bottle of screw top wine? Or would I look like I loser if I didn't?
She's been on campouts before for Indian Princess with her Dad, but this is the first time she and I are going.
As the weekend passed I started wondering what we should pack. I got the suggested packing list from one of the troop leaders yesterday and it's crazy. Sleeping bag, waterbottle, and flashlight are the obvious necessities. Soap/shampoo/towel for showering. For clothes, they recommend bringing 3 different outfits (aside from the one you wear when you arrive), 4 pairs of underwear, 4 pairs of socks, 2 sweatshirts, 2 pairs of shoes.
I understand we're going horseback riding which can get dirty, and maybe canoeing so you could get wet, but come on. Did I mention we will be gone for 24 hours? The killer is that at the bottom of the page they remind you not to pack more than you can carry ;)
What's the packing list when the Dads go? Sleeping bag, flashlight, and clothes appropriate for the weather. No one showers cause it's only 24 hours. Adult beverages for the Dads for after the girls are in bed. That's it. Actually that last item is missing from our packing list. Hm. Would I look like an alcoholic if I bring a bottle of screw top wine? Or would I look like I loser if I didn't?
Monday, July 9, 2012
Weekend Wrapup
Saturday morning I made blueberry pancakes with Little Hugger. We used a new recipe that I found on Pinterest and they were very good.
We went to the pool to beat the heat. It was surprisingly uncrowded. I think some people thought it would just be too hot. We stayed about 4 hours camped out by the kiddie pool, with my husband taking the kids one at a time over to the big pool to work on real swimming.
Sunday morning I made banana chocolate chip muffins with Little Reader from a recipe she got from her baking class. They were really good and very easy.
Since it had cooled down a bit I went for a run while my husband watched Wimbledon. I made it further than earlier in the week, since it was about 10 degrees cooler. Unfortunately there were only a couple of people running their sprinklers - running through them is a great way to cool off along the way. Still, I managed to get a good run and felt good after. This was the first time I had everything working - Endomondo, my playlist, my heart rate monitor.
Later that day I got all our grocery shopping done and then we headed to the beach. Unfortunately the water was closed due to rip currents, but the kids still had fun. They played at the playground and my husband and I took turns watching them, or soaking up the sun and listening to the waves.
After volleyball we went to dinner at Hackneys with our friends. I ordered a grilled cheese for Little Man (the first time I've gotten him a restaurant meal). He took a couple of tiny nibbles, but swore he wasn't hungry. Despite that he ate all of the comp ice cream the waitress brought ;)
We got home pretty late, got the sandy dirty kids straight to bed, watched Newsroom and then went to bed ourselves. A good weekend, but it's amazing how draining it is just to be out in the sun, even when you're not doing anything.
We went to the pool to beat the heat. It was surprisingly uncrowded. I think some people thought it would just be too hot. We stayed about 4 hours camped out by the kiddie pool, with my husband taking the kids one at a time over to the big pool to work on real swimming.
Sunday morning I made banana chocolate chip muffins with Little Reader from a recipe she got from her baking class. They were really good and very easy.
Since it had cooled down a bit I went for a run while my husband watched Wimbledon. I made it further than earlier in the week, since it was about 10 degrees cooler. Unfortunately there were only a couple of people running their sprinklers - running through them is a great way to cool off along the way. Still, I managed to get a good run and felt good after. This was the first time I had everything working - Endomondo, my playlist, my heart rate monitor.
Later that day I got all our grocery shopping done and then we headed to the beach. Unfortunately the water was closed due to rip currents, but the kids still had fun. They played at the playground and my husband and I took turns watching them, or soaking up the sun and listening to the waves. After volleyball we went to dinner at Hackneys with our friends. I ordered a grilled cheese for Little Man (the first time I've gotten him a restaurant meal). He took a couple of tiny nibbles, but swore he wasn't hungry. Despite that he ate all of the comp ice cream the waitress brought ;)
We got home pretty late, got the sandy dirty kids straight to bed, watched Newsroom and then went to bed ourselves. A good weekend, but it's amazing how draining it is just to be out in the sun, even when you're not doing anything.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Recovering from a busy weekend
Saturday morning I finally took Little Hugger to Land of Nod to order her bed. On the ride up I warned her that even though we were going to pay for it today we may have to wait weeks for them to deliver it. I forgot that being in Chicago, the warehouse is local, and they're going to deliver it next Thursday. So not only does she get her bed before first grade starts, she'll get it before the last day of Kindergarten. She was eager to get bedding too, but I managed to convince her we should look elsewhere too. Land of Nod has really nice stuff, but it is expensive.I'm planning on a trip to IKEA before the bed is delivered.
I let her pick where we went for lunch, and lucky for me she picked my favorite pizza place - NY Slices - the closest I've found to NY style pizza in this area.
This weekend was our 12th anniversary. We went out for dinner Saturday night as that worked better with the rest of our plans. We had some gift certificates to Lettuce Entertain You so rather than going to the same old steak place, I picked Cafe Ba Ba Reeba. Sangria and tapas seemed like a good way to kick off summer.
After dinner we went to a nearby bar for a couple of beers and then back home where we had a bottle of champagne that had been chilling in the fridge for I don't know how long waiting for a worthy occasion.
Sunday we had some friends over for a barbecue. We grilled kebabs and had potato salad. For dessert, I made brownies and the flag strawberries which didn't turn out as cute as the picture because I overcooked the chocolate but still tasted good.
We had set up a kiddie pool in the backyard for the kids to play in which worked out well as it was 90 degrees. They all had a blast and one of the neighbor boys came over to join the fun.
Our friends have a little girl who is just a couple of months older than our Little Man. She's already potty trained and we're still working on it with Little Man. At one point the kids all went upstairs to chill. Little Man needed to use the potty, so I took his diaper off and stayed upstairs while he went. He peed on the potty and then ran into his room where the little girl was reading. He squatted down next to her (bare-assed) and said very excitedly, "I peed on the potty". She briefly looked up at him, and then went back to her book. I guess she wasn't impressed.
Monday we all got up early to head down to the parade. My husband and daughters were walking with Indian Princesses and I walked with my son and my women's group. There weren't a lot of people, but my son had fun throwing candy to all the kids. The route was about 2 miles long, and he managed to walk about half of it, before sitting in the stroller. We headed home for a while to relax (and forced Little Reader to take a nap because she was so tired from the day before) before heading to another BBQ. This time I made the berry tarts arranged like a flag. They were a little time consuming but not difficult and turned out well. They also happened to be the only dessert at the barbecue so were appreciated.
There were about 16 adults and a bunch of kids. Some good friends of ours and other were neighbors of our friends. The kids all had a great time playing in and outside. Overall a very successful (but exhausting weekend). I had hoped to finish my book, but I was too tired to get very far.
I let her pick where we went for lunch, and lucky for me she picked my favorite pizza place - NY Slices - the closest I've found to NY style pizza in this area.
This weekend was our 12th anniversary. We went out for dinner Saturday night as that worked better with the rest of our plans. We had some gift certificates to Lettuce Entertain You so rather than going to the same old steak place, I picked Cafe Ba Ba Reeba. Sangria and tapas seemed like a good way to kick off summer.
After dinner we went to a nearby bar for a couple of beers and then back home where we had a bottle of champagne that had been chilling in the fridge for I don't know how long waiting for a worthy occasion.
Sunday we had some friends over for a barbecue. We grilled kebabs and had potato salad. For dessert, I made brownies and the flag strawberries which didn't turn out as cute as the picture because I overcooked the chocolate but still tasted good.
We had set up a kiddie pool in the backyard for the kids to play in which worked out well as it was 90 degrees. They all had a blast and one of the neighbor boys came over to join the fun.
Our friends have a little girl who is just a couple of months older than our Little Man. She's already potty trained and we're still working on it with Little Man. At one point the kids all went upstairs to chill. Little Man needed to use the potty, so I took his diaper off and stayed upstairs while he went. He peed on the potty and then ran into his room where the little girl was reading. He squatted down next to her (bare-assed) and said very excitedly, "I peed on the potty". She briefly looked up at him, and then went back to her book. I guess she wasn't impressed.
Monday we all got up early to head down to the parade. My husband and daughters were walking with Indian Princesses and I walked with my son and my women's group. There weren't a lot of people, but my son had fun throwing candy to all the kids. The route was about 2 miles long, and he managed to walk about half of it, before sitting in the stroller. We headed home for a while to relax (and forced Little Reader to take a nap because she was so tired from the day before) before heading to another BBQ. This time I made the berry tarts arranged like a flag. They were a little time consuming but not difficult and turned out well. They also happened to be the only dessert at the barbecue so were appreciated.
There were about 16 adults and a bunch of kids. Some good friends of ours and other were neighbors of our friends. The kids all had a great time playing in and outside. Overall a very successful (but exhausting weekend). I had hoped to finish my book, but I was too tired to get very far.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Thinking of you......
At a time when I want to express sympathy for someone, those words just don't seem very powerful. I am not a religious person so never offer my prayers to people as that would be insincere, but somehow telling people you're thinking of them doesn't seem to carry the same weight. Two families have been in my thoughts a lot lately.
The first is a schoolmate of my daughter's. I know the parents casually but we are not close. Their son is in 7th grade and has had leukemia on and off since he was 3. Twice after chemo and other treatments the cancer went into remission only to return a year or so later. It recently came back for the third time. This time around they are trying a bone marrow transplant. His younger sister (age 7, same as my daughter) is the closest match in their family and will be the donor. He is currently in the hospital receiving the pre-transplant treatment. She will be going in to the hospital on Friday for the transplant (is it called a harvest when it's marrow, I'm not sure?).
She is in the same Brownie troup as my daughter and we stopped at another Brownie's house this morning to sign a card for the girl. My daughter and I talked for a while about what to write and what was going on with the family. While she is old enough to understand death, so far those deaths have been of older people or pets, not kids. It's been hard to talk about terminal illness in a way that doesn't scare her. Having said that I did encourage her to think about the emotions her schoolmate is probably feeling right now and even if they are not close, it is important to support people in tough times. On the way to the house we talked about what she would write and she settled on, "I am proud of you for being so brave. I hope everything goes well." and signed her name. Simple but sincere.
The family has set up a blog on carepages.com to keep everyone up to date on the treatment and progress, which is great. I can't imagine what the family is going through. I have 3 healthy kids of my own, and I can't imagine having the strength to go through everything they've gone through especially now 3 times, and still manage to take care of their other two children. They have a lot of people praying for and supporting them, which I'm sure helps. At this point I am not ready to leave a comment on their page as I'm not sure what I would say. I'll let my daughter's words be the voice of support from our family for now.
The other family is one that I thankfully do not actually know. I say thankfully because I have absolutely no idea what I could possibly say to them. My husband is a surgeon and occasionally gets called into the ER to deal with traumas. The other night he got a page and rushed out saying that a TV had fallen on a 6 year old kid. I had visions of broken bones, skin lacerations, broken glass, things like that. It takes him just under 30 minutes to get to the hospital. He called me less than an hour after he had left and said he was heading home. The kid had died. He didn't know the full story of how the TV had fallen etc, but it's basically irrelevant. The kid was probably playing before going to bed, knocked into the TV rack or climbed up on it to reach some toy, and the whole thing came crashing down. In this case the kid was most likely dead before he got to the hospital. My husband never spoke to the family. There was no point as there was nothing he could have done, and there were already ER docs and social workers talking to them. I can't imagine what that family is going through right now. There are no words you can say to comfort them. As hard as terminal illness is, there is a progression and in most cases time to prepare yourself somewhat. A freak accident like that, you can't prepare for.
I'll end this by saying if you have healthy kids, go give them an extra hug (and maybe some extra Hallowe'en candy) and be thankful for what you have. If you are dealing with a sick child or the death of a child, know that along with the close friends and family who help you get through each day, there are many more people who are supporting you but maybe can't find the right words.
The first is a schoolmate of my daughter's. I know the parents casually but we are not close. Their son is in 7th grade and has had leukemia on and off since he was 3. Twice after chemo and other treatments the cancer went into remission only to return a year or so later. It recently came back for the third time. This time around they are trying a bone marrow transplant. His younger sister (age 7, same as my daughter) is the closest match in their family and will be the donor. He is currently in the hospital receiving the pre-transplant treatment. She will be going in to the hospital on Friday for the transplant (is it called a harvest when it's marrow, I'm not sure?).
She is in the same Brownie troup as my daughter and we stopped at another Brownie's house this morning to sign a card for the girl. My daughter and I talked for a while about what to write and what was going on with the family. While she is old enough to understand death, so far those deaths have been of older people or pets, not kids. It's been hard to talk about terminal illness in a way that doesn't scare her. Having said that I did encourage her to think about the emotions her schoolmate is probably feeling right now and even if they are not close, it is important to support people in tough times. On the way to the house we talked about what she would write and she settled on, "I am proud of you for being so brave. I hope everything goes well." and signed her name. Simple but sincere.
The family has set up a blog on carepages.com to keep everyone up to date on the treatment and progress, which is great. I can't imagine what the family is going through. I have 3 healthy kids of my own, and I can't imagine having the strength to go through everything they've gone through especially now 3 times, and still manage to take care of their other two children. They have a lot of people praying for and supporting them, which I'm sure helps. At this point I am not ready to leave a comment on their page as I'm not sure what I would say. I'll let my daughter's words be the voice of support from our family for now.
The other family is one that I thankfully do not actually know. I say thankfully because I have absolutely no idea what I could possibly say to them. My husband is a surgeon and occasionally gets called into the ER to deal with traumas. The other night he got a page and rushed out saying that a TV had fallen on a 6 year old kid. I had visions of broken bones, skin lacerations, broken glass, things like that. It takes him just under 30 minutes to get to the hospital. He called me less than an hour after he had left and said he was heading home. The kid had died. He didn't know the full story of how the TV had fallen etc, but it's basically irrelevant. The kid was probably playing before going to bed, knocked into the TV rack or climbed up on it to reach some toy, and the whole thing came crashing down. In this case the kid was most likely dead before he got to the hospital. My husband never spoke to the family. There was no point as there was nothing he could have done, and there were already ER docs and social workers talking to them. I can't imagine what that family is going through right now. There are no words you can say to comfort them. As hard as terminal illness is, there is a progression and in most cases time to prepare yourself somewhat. A freak accident like that, you can't prepare for.
I'll end this by saying if you have healthy kids, go give them an extra hug (and maybe some extra Hallowe'en candy) and be thankful for what you have. If you are dealing with a sick child or the death of a child, know that along with the close friends and family who help you get through each day, there are many more people who are supporting you but maybe can't find the right words.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Friends and Drugs
Let me start by saying I don't do drugs, never have, never will. I do drink, but that's it as far as chemicals that mess with your head. I just never had any interest in pot (or anything stronger). Through the years, some of my friends have used it, and offered me, but I never accepted and they never pushed. I never used to judge my friends who smoked, I figured it was their business and not mine. I mean their smoking wasn't effecting me in any way. But now we all have kids and they still do it. My oldest daughter is the oldest kid in our group and the other kids ages range from 6 years down to 6 months old. A couple weeks ago we were at the birthday party of one of these kids and while the kids were still up and running around some of the parents started sneaking into to one of the closets to get high.
When we were getting ready to leave my kids were looking for the Moms to say goodbye. We found 3 of them sitting on the porch smoking pot with the front door locked so the kids couldn't come out. Their children were all running around in the backyard with the Dads. It was a windowed door, so my kids could see them out there, and the Moms waved through the door, but that didn't seem sufficient to my kids. They wanted to say goodbye properly, thank the hostess, give hugs goodbye etc. One of the Moms (not the hostess) finally realized this and came back inside to give everyone hugs and we went on our way. I have to say at first I was a bit annoyed. Again I don't care if they choose to smoke, but it seems inappropriate for them to do it in front of the kids. I do drink in front of my kids, but not to the point of getting drunk, and I feel like getting high is on the same level as getting drunk in front of your kids. It just sets a bad example. As we were driving home, I asked my husband if he thought I was being too judgmental but he agreed with me that he thought it was inappropriate of them. I was annoyed for a few days and considered how I would broach the subject next time I saw these women.
Then I changed my mind, and figured when it happens again, if my kids ask about it, I'll use it as a teaching moment. My oldest has already had the beginnings of the "Say No to Drugs" lesson in school, and we've tried to reinforce it at home. We've talked about peer pressure and I figured if our kids ever ask what our friends are doing, I'll just tell them, but point out that just cause our friends do it, their Dad and I don't. We can still be friends and respect each persons right to do what they want, without pushing each other one way or the other. I am still a bit conflicted though that they will think doing drugs is ok, because these are people my kids know well (as we've all been friends before the kids were born) and like and respect. I guess it comes back to our family, our rules.
I do wonder how those parents are going to handle drugs when their kids are teenagers. It's not that any of them are addicts. It really does seem to be a social thing for them. Will they keep smoking until their kids reach a certain age, and then quit? I mean what is the line in the sand for them, or do they never plan on stopping? And if not are they going to smoke with their kids, or allow them to do it? I do believe in teaching kids how to drink responsibly so they learn not to drink and drive and also they don't go off to college never having tried it, and then end up going crazy there as some of my friends did, but drugs are different.
When we were getting ready to leave my kids were looking for the Moms to say goodbye. We found 3 of them sitting on the porch smoking pot with the front door locked so the kids couldn't come out. Their children were all running around in the backyard with the Dads. It was a windowed door, so my kids could see them out there, and the Moms waved through the door, but that didn't seem sufficient to my kids. They wanted to say goodbye properly, thank the hostess, give hugs goodbye etc. One of the Moms (not the hostess) finally realized this and came back inside to give everyone hugs and we went on our way. I have to say at first I was a bit annoyed. Again I don't care if they choose to smoke, but it seems inappropriate for them to do it in front of the kids. I do drink in front of my kids, but not to the point of getting drunk, and I feel like getting high is on the same level as getting drunk in front of your kids. It just sets a bad example. As we were driving home, I asked my husband if he thought I was being too judgmental but he agreed with me that he thought it was inappropriate of them. I was annoyed for a few days and considered how I would broach the subject next time I saw these women.
Then I changed my mind, and figured when it happens again, if my kids ask about it, I'll use it as a teaching moment. My oldest has already had the beginnings of the "Say No to Drugs" lesson in school, and we've tried to reinforce it at home. We've talked about peer pressure and I figured if our kids ever ask what our friends are doing, I'll just tell them, but point out that just cause our friends do it, their Dad and I don't. We can still be friends and respect each persons right to do what they want, without pushing each other one way or the other. I am still a bit conflicted though that they will think doing drugs is ok, because these are people my kids know well (as we've all been friends before the kids were born) and like and respect. I guess it comes back to our family, our rules.
I do wonder how those parents are going to handle drugs when their kids are teenagers. It's not that any of them are addicts. It really does seem to be a social thing for them. Will they keep smoking until their kids reach a certain age, and then quit? I mean what is the line in the sand for them, or do they never plan on stopping? And if not are they going to smoke with their kids, or allow them to do it? I do believe in teaching kids how to drink responsibly so they learn not to drink and drive and also they don't go off to college never having tried it, and then end up going crazy there as some of my friends did, but drugs are different.
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