Good Shopping Day

Today I took Little Reader shopping for some new clothes. We started at Target for some basics and then on to Old Orchard for lunch and more shopping.

We got most of her stuff at Gymboree but also a new fleece from LL Bean and a couple of things from Justice. It's funny she's been asking for clothes from there for a while since a lot of her friends have Justice clothes but we'd never been in. Even she was overwhelmed by the bright colors and abundance of sparkle and sequins. She did pick out a couple of things and while it wasn't stuff I would have picked for her it wasn't too teenagerish so I let her get it.

We stopped for frozen yogurt at TCBY, and Claires to use some gift cards she had. Throughout the day I had been making quick stops on the department stores to look for a dress for me for an upcoming black tie event. Our final stop at Bloomies was successful. I found four dresses on the clearance rack to try on. Two were good, but this was the winner (best part it was reduced from $220 to $120)------->>>> .

There were a couple of sequins that had fallen off but when I mentioned that to the saleslady, she said that was no problem they could fix that for me no charge, and I'd have it in plenty of time for my party. Love stores with good customer service :)

We had a fun day and this was the first time in a long time it was just the two of us. She told me silly stories about her friends and things about books she's reading. It was fun to hear her opinion on formal dresses. In most cases we agreed, and she gave me honest (but not too honest) opinions in the dressing room. It's hard to have one on one time when you have three kids, but I definitely need to do it more.

Little Reader Turns 9

This weekend we hosted our first slumber party. It was Little Reader's 9th birthday and she has been to two sleepovers at another friend's house, but this was the first time any of her friends spent the night at our house. She invited her 3 BFFs and they all came. The party started at 5PM and one of her friend's showed up on the dot. The other two didn't show up until 6 as their parents had misread the evite.

Once they had all arrived and finished the initial fits of giggles, I set them up to make T-shirts with fabric paint. I gave them the supplies and left them alone. One of their friends is known as the creative one, in no time we overheard comments praising how her shirt looked so nice, and better than theirs. I checked in periodically but the funny part was that by the time they were done each shirt represented their personalities perfectly.

I set up a seperate table for the foursome for dinner - pizza followed by ice cream cake and Nutella fudge. To drink - "cocktails" My daughters love the Welchs juices - especially mixing the white grape peach mango and the orange pineapple apple. I think it's overly sweet but I'm putting off allowing sodas as long as possible.

After dinner Little Reader opened her presents - a lava lamp, Apples to Apples game and a color your own messenger bag and panda bear. She loved them all. Once we got the little ones to bed, Little Reader and her friends played her new game and talked for a while. Finally they wanted to watch a movie and we hit the first glitch of the night. Little Reader had picked Princess Bride as her movie and despite the fact that we just bought the movie I couldn't find it. We have one of those turntable 400 disc players, but unfortunately you have to load the info yourself and for some reason this one never got labeled.  As hard as I tried I couldn't find it. We checked Netflix and found Princess Protection Program (or something like that) for them. One of them had seen it before and they all agreed on it. Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez instead of Robin Wright and Cary Elwes - no contest to me, but it was getting late and I wasn't going to fight this bunch. But in my passive aggressive way I will make sure to find it before the next sleepover ;)

The movie ended around midnight and Little Reader asked that we set up their beds.When I was a kid we slept on the floor in our sleeping bags. Little Reader had told me that their prior sleepover they had slept on sofas and beds but I assumed they all had sleeping bags. I got our pull out couch set up while my husband blewup the air mattress and told them to get their sleeping bags out and they all looked at me dumbfounded. They didn't have any. ????? Not sure why, but luckily we have a few extras due to Indian Princess. My husband and I left them and hoped that they would sleep in in the morning, especially given the time change.

No such luck, 3 of them never slept, and Little Reader came in asking for breakfast around 730 - no chance kid, see you later. 830, she and 2 of her friends were in my room. That was inappropriate (and I'll talk to her about that later). I sent them away, got up and started on homemade pancakes and bacon. 930 we had breakfast and they were all gone by 1030. Little Reader swore she wasn't tired after staying up all night, but dozed off by 1130 for 3 hours, got up had a late lunch, dozed off again, and then woke up for dinner, watched the Hawks game - they lost :( and then off to bed.

Bottom line - she had a great time and it was a very easy party.  Two years ago we had 10 kids at our house for a science party for two hours and were exhausted, this time it was 4 kids, 17 hours and pretty easy - aside from a little badgering to get breakfast started.

Sex Ed continued

So, a while ago I had "the talk" with my Little Reader. As dinner was winding down, we somehow got on the topic of periods. I don't know how but I let Little Hugger and Little Man leave to get ready for bed and then asked my husband if he'd rather skip this too. Less than a second passed before he cleared his dishes.

We have a "how babies are made book" but it's in French. My parents were living in Switzerland when I was expecting Little Hugger and my Mom saw this book and thought it might help explain everything to Little Reader who was about 2 at the time. It's a board book with picture that are detailed enough for the toddlers but since it's in French I made up the words

Tonight being asked by an almost 9 year old about periods I figured I'd go back to the book as it has cartoon drawings of the uterus which made it easier to explain. I had told her the basics over the years but I figured this was as good a time as any to give her more info.

Once we were done talking she asked to look at the book some more so I left her room to tuck Little Hugger in. About a minute later Little Reader comes in with the book open to this picture. She said she knew one was supposed to be the sperm and the other the egg, but wasn't sure which was which.  I told her and then Little Hugger wanted to see the picture too.  So Little Reader says, "Did you know that's how babies are made?  The man has the sperm the woman has the egg, and when they meet they make a baby. But don't ask me how they get together cause it's REALLY disgusting, and you don't want to know"

American Girl

My daughters are 8 and 6 and thankfully have shown no interest in American Girl dolls. They've been to a birthday party there (they brought their teddy bears). Little Reader likes the books, and until now that was it, and that was just fine with me. I never liked dolls growing up, I preferred my snuggle buddies as we call them in our house. My daughters seemed to be following my lead until I asked them to write up their Christmas wish lists.

Little Reader wants an American Girl doll that looks like her. She specifically said she's going to ask Santa for it as I had mentioned before that they are pretty expensive.

Here's the problem. So far it's her only Santa wish, and if she had shown interest in dolls in the past I wouldn't think twice about it, as she does take good care of her things. The problem is I really don't think she'll play with it that much. I also know her well enough that if I push that opinion she'll say even more that she wants it. Also I know that like me she thinks about things a lot before she verbalizes them, so has pretty much made up her mind.

So, what's my plan? Well as luck would have it, between her and her sister they have 3 birthday parties coming up. Today we're going shopping for the gift for the first one. Normally I go to Target but today I plan on taking them to Toys R Us. My hope is that she'll see something else and will change her mind about the AG doll. Wish me luck.

How Third Grade Girls Deal With Third Grade Boys

Yesterday Little Reader was telling me about one of her classmate's plans for his Halloween costume. He's going to be a salesman. He had gone into detail about the costume and she relayed that to me. When she was done I said I didn't get it and told her so.

Her response? "I know. He's doesn't always make sense. He's one of those boys that when they talk you just kind of smile and nod."

Beauty

I started this post awhile ago and never finished it.  Since I think it fits with my theme of balance I decided to finish it this month.  A while back there was a post on the Huffington Post about about beauty and little girls and whether we should tell them they're beautiful or downplay it.  The links to the Huffington Post piece and the rebuttal after.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp

http://www.blogher.com/why-i-will-continue-tell-my-daughters-theyre-beautiful

I read these two articles, the rebuttal first then the Huffington Post piece, and I have to say I'm somewhere in the middle. Yes I agree part of our job as women (mothers, aunts, teachers, etc) is to help build the self esteem of our children. For girls some of self esteem is tied to appearance, for some girls too much. So I have this to say in response. I have 2 girls age 8 and 6 and a little boy who is 3.

Yes I compliment my children but not everyday and I compliment them more on behavior and intelligence/ hard work then appearance. I read some of the responses to both articles and was surprised by the people who tell their daughters that they are beautiful everyday. At that point I think it becomes just words. For a compliment of any kind to have an impact, it needs to be appropriately timed, not just routine.

For the same reason, I have to admit, I don't make a habit of telling my kids I love them. I don't have to, they know it. I think actions speak louder than words. I hear tons of parents drop their kids off at school and send them off with and I love you. Mine is "have fun, be good". I remember one day as I dropped my daughter off at preschool the teacher greeting her at the front door commented to my daughter on my send off, "What does she mean be good? You're always good."

Having said all that yes, I will tell my daughters if I think they look particularly pretty that day, but it's more focusing on the outfit they picked out,or the way their hair looks, not just a general you are beautiful. Yes, I would rather compliment them on their achievements at school - put the perfect spelling test on the fridge, make a point of telling my husband about their achievement in their presence.

While I don't think there is anything bad about commenting in a positive way on someone's appearance the first time you meet, kid or adult, as long as it's genuine. The rebuttal author mentioned that she had all these urges to compliment the little girl on her outfit but chose instead to ask her about books. Why not do both? Break the ice with the compliment and then followup with what is more important (the brains and emotions).

I admit my parents weren't overly complimentary but that just wasn't their style. I don't count it against them, just as I can probably count the times my parents said they love me on one hand whereas when I talk to my in laws every phone conversation ends with them telling me they love me, and so I say it in return. I know both sets of parents do love me, but when it comes to love actions speak louder than words, and to be fair by actions I am receiving it from both pairs.

I do remember though being fairly insecure about my looks as a kid but that was more due to barbs from my older sister. I do try as much as I can to squash any negative comments I hear my older daughter making to her little sister as I know how much those comments sting, and for me those were the ones that when you hear them enough you start to believe they are true.

So I say yes we need to love our little girls, empower them and let them know that brains and character stand for much more than beauty, but there is nothing wrong with feeling beautiful as well, as long as that is not your prime focus.

Brownie Campout

This weekend Little Reader and I went on her first Brownie campout. We stayed in cabins at a very nice YMCA camp in Wisconsin.

We started off with horseback riding at a stable on the way to the camp. It was raining most of the ride up but had stopped by the time everyone got there. Little Reader was the first to get saddled up and she was a little nervous never having ridden a horse before. I have to admit I was a little nervous too. The last time I rode a horse I was in 3rd grade and I think it was technically a pony. I didn't tell her that though as I wanted her to feel like there was no reason to be nervous, cause there really wasn't.

We were led by a guide and took about an hour ride on a trail through the forest. It was really pretty and I would have taken pictures but was too nervous to let go of the reins and saddle to fish the camera out of my pocket. We all had very easygoing horses, so everyone was fine and enjoyed it.

We headed a bit further North to our camp and settled in and had lunch. The cabin was extremely nice - 2 levels with 8 rooms with 4 bunks each, 4 full baths. The lower level had a full kitchen, ping pong table, living room with sunken fireplace. Plenty of room for 13 girls and their Moms (especially since 6 people didn't even spend the night).

After lunch we went to the cabin to make our snack. The leaders had found a cute poem about the meaning of Girl Scouts. Each girl had been assigned an ingredient that symbolized that trait (predetermined by the leaders). We dumped them all into a huge garbage bag, gave it a few good shakes and scooped up cups into Ziploc Bags for everyone of Kix, M&Ms, popcorn, pretzels, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, and a couple of other things. It was pretty good, and a cute idea. Ok, there was a minor technical difficulty when the bag ripped due to the weight of the M&Ms and chips but we solved that quickly.

Next was the archery range. The girls all got a few turns and Little Reader had a couple of really good shots. The Moms all got to try too. I have to admit I surprised myself by actually hitting one about 2 inches from the bulls eye. I'm normally not good at these aiming things.

Then we headed to the climbing wall. Little Reader had tried it at Indian Princess so immediately suited up. There was a zip line in the same area and she was a little disappointed we weren't doing it, but she's done that before (and will again) at the Indian Princess campouts. Most of the girls made it all the way to the top, and a couple went twice. None of the Mom's did this one.

Last was the low ropes course. There were about 8 different sections that you had to get through. Some you could get through solo, but most required some teamwork. Nobody set any records on this one, but they did all have fun and worked together well.

At that point we were done with our scheduled activities for the day, but our camp leader suggested we try out the tube slides before dinner. I was picturing alpine slides, but when we got there we saw long corrugated black tubes with some pretty beat up cracked sleds next to them. There were a bunch of Dads there with an Indian Princess group who laughed when we asked where the good sleds were. Those were the good sleds. The daredevils went first and pretty soon all the girls were going and they had a blast. A few of the Moms went too - not me. I'm not a fan of tight dark places even if you could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

After dinner we went back to our cabin and made a craft. Fleece pillows that you tie and stuff. Everyone signed each others. It was cute, and they were all excited about them.

Around 730, our camp coordinator came back to walk us to our campfire. It was just a brief walk through the woods but we never would have found it in the dark. They had already built the fire for us, and the two camp employees led us in silly sing a long. After that we made smores and then headed back to our cabin.

The girls were all pretty hyped up on chocolate at this point, so started getting a bit crazy. We managed to get them in pjs and started a game of charades (thankfully the Moms were just the audience, I hate charades). They had a lot of fun playing, and once they were doing well one of the Mom's brought out a box of wine, which actually was pretty decent - Bota box red zin.  We all turned in around 11, and Little Reader and I slept until about 7.

After a quick breakfast we headed out to the marsh right by our cabin for a nature walk. The leaves have started to turn a little bit so it was really pretty. The girls all picked wildflowers and cattails along the way.  IT was a fun weekend and although it was chilly we had clear weather the whole time.  One of the great things about the trip was that it was largely paid for with money the girls are earned selling cookies last year.  

On the way home we stopped at Mars' Cheese Castle. If you have ever crossed the Illinois/Wisconsin border on I-94 you've seen this place. It's an over the top cheese store. They have every kind of cheese you could imagine (some of the stranger ones were Chocoloate Gouda Fudge and Blueberry Gouda). They have cheese breads and other baked goods, lots of candy and chocolate, all kinds of interesting sodas, and Packers paraphernalia. It's worth a stop and a peek if you're passing by.

We got home around lunch time and had a little time to relax before her soccer game. Her team won again. She had one shot on goal that went wide and a few other good plays.

It was fun to spend time with her one on one since we so rarely get to do that anymore. I enjoyed watching her interact with her friends and having fun.  I also liked getting to know her classmates a little better and was glad to find out that the ones I find annoying she did too.  She's much more social and confident than I am. There was a piano in our cabin and she played her current piece quite a few times just because she wanted to (I would have been embarrassed to do that in case someone heard me mess up). Then again she plays better than I do. But she's good advertising for her teacher - three different people asked where she takes lessons as they wanted to start their children on piano.

It was good to finally get to really talk to the other Moms. It's funny when your kids are babies/toddlers you have lots of time to chat with other Moms at pickup/dropoff/play time etc. As they get older those opportunities go away. Our school lets 3rd graders walk home on their own and many do.  For the most part the Moms are a good bunch. There are a couple who I think are a little too hands off and let their kids get away with too much, but also some who I discovered were more fun than I had expected.

When we came home and I told my husband about our trip he joked about the difference between Moms and Dads planning a campout. They don't have a "concierge" who coordinates and leads activities and prebuilds the campfire. They don't do a cute craft or make their own snacks. Their cabins are a bit more rustic and no one showers (or plays piano). Still we all have fun with our kids and that's what matters.

Friendship - Part 1

Yesterday Little Reader came home from dance class in a terrible funk. She was snipping at her brother and sister, talking back and yelling at me. I put her in timeout and once she had calmed down we talked.  She admitted that she had gotten mad because she had had a bad day.  The first problem was a misunderstanding with her teacher, but that was quickly solved.  The main problem was her former BFF.  Last year she had three really close friends (A, B  & S) in her class.  Over the summer B moved and no longer goes to the same school.  A has a different teacher so the only time Little Reader sees her is at lunch and recess.  S is still in her class and they play together.  A has also recently started taking gymnastics and often wants to spend recess practicing her new moves with some of the other girls who take gymnastics.  Little Reader isn't interested in gymnastics and feels left out. 

I asked if she had invited A to play and she said she had, and was told that she would rather work on cartwheels or whatever.  I asked her if she had told A how she feels about being left out and she said yes.  As she was telling me all this, Sting started singing in my head,

Free, free, set them free
Free, free, set them free
Free, free, set them free

I asked her if she had ever heard the phrase, "if you love somebody, set them free".  I told her that either A has made new friends based on her new interests and she and A may not be as close anymore, or if she stops asking A to play, she may eventually get tired of her gymnastics stuff and come back and want to play with Little Reader again.  In the meantime she still has S and other friends.  It's always sad to lose a friend, but it happens - especially in grade school. 

Questions of a Third Grader

Little Reader has been studying space exploration at school. Last night she asked me: How many people have been to the moon?
Me: 12 men have been to the moon (after a quick google)
Little Reader: Why not any women?
Me: At the time, not many (if any) women were astronauts?
Little Reader: Why not?
Me: Well, to be an astronaut you have to be good at science and math and people used to think that women weren't smart enough to understand math and science. If girls had trouble with those subjects at the time they would often just give up instead of trying, or asking for help.
Little Reader: Hm, well I like science and math and the girls in my class are smarter than the boys. The boys are all.....disruptive.

Crushes

Little Reader: Mommy, did you have any crushes when you were a kid?
Me: Sure, everyone does.
Little Reader: I don't have a crush on anyone right now.
Me: What about the boy you had a crush on last year?
Little Reader: I decided I don't have a crush on him anymore.
Me: Why not?
Little Reader: Well, it's not that he's not nice or anything. I mean we're still friends. I just decided I didn't want him as my future husband.

Valentines Day

I've never made a big deal of Valentines Day and now that I have kids I figure it's just a fun excuse for school parties for them. I didn't get my husband a card which I probably should have, but I never liked Valentines cards card shops have. They are full of stupid innuendo jokes or over the top mushy. I happen to have a friend who writes cards for Hallmark and have told him this, but that didn't change anything.

I didn't want to ignore the day completely, so I showed my love for my family my usual way. I baked :) I didn't have time to do full on homemade, so just made Betty Crocker brownies. To make them a little more festive I used a cookie cutter to make the heart shapes.  Simple and cute. 

As my daughters were going through their Valentines I asked them who they got cards from (knowing full well that they all get from the entire class).  My Kindergartner told me that she got two cards from one boy and when he was giving her one of them he said, "Happy Valentines Day, you're my girrrrlfriend."  My second grader asked her if she also liked the boy and she answered no, she has a crush on a different boy.  I asked her why she liked him and she said that when they have free play at school and the girls want to play with blocks he always lets them and tries to convince the other boys to do the same.  So he is polite and shares - sounds good so far. 

My oldest then admitted that she has a crush on someone too.  He's not in her regular class but she sees him twice a week in the accelerated classes she's in.  I asked her why she likes him and got a similar answer, that he plays nicely with everyone, and is respectful.  He also doesn't yell like most of the other boys, except if he's trying to get someone's attention.  Again, good choice.

I let the kids have a couple of sweethearts with their snack and my son surprised me and asked for one.  He licked the whole thing, but even when it got down to a paper thin heart he refused to try and take a bite. It got stuck on his tongue at one point and he kind of freaked so I took it off for him. Even so, a big step for him. Twice this week he has asked me to get some of his snacks so he can play, and he has been licking lots of sweet things. When we were at the supermarket the other day he even got a box of Ritz crackers off the shelf and said that we needed to get them because that was one of the things he has used with the feeding therapist. I got a low sodium kind so hopefully he'll like it more.So far he hasn't really liked the crackers and I think they are just too salty since he's pretty much only been eating fruit so far.

Legos are just for boys?

Absolutely not!!!!

A few days ago I read a post by someone about girl vs boy toys and why does there need to be a difference? I can't remember who wrote it or where I found it, but the author commented on the Lego aisle at most toy stores and how there were lots of sets that would be considered "boyish" - Cars, Pirates, vehicles, etc and the girls are stuck with basic sets that included pink bricks but didn't have a theme. My oldest daughter wished for (and got) one of the pirate sets for Christmas last year and loved it.

My younger daughter is more interested in things that are traditionally girlie and wishes they would bring back the Belleville Legos. I just got the new catalog and there are some more "Friends" sets in there this time around. I'll probably get her the Heartlake Vet or Tree House for her birthday. Admittedly some of the other sets are a little too girlie for my taste but at least there is an Invention Workshop which would have been perfect for my oldest last year (she had a science birthday party) They also have a dinosaur series that I bet my oldest would love, it's never too early to buy the birthday presents, especially since I have a coupon that expires at the end of the month.

The other day she was playing with duplos with her younger brother. When it was time for his nap, he asked her to build him a beach. She said she would work on it while he was napping and he could play with it when he woke up.  I put him down for a nap and a little while later she brought me this. 

The details that she came up with crack me up.  Just to explain a little bit.  The blue is obviously the water.  The fences are to mark off the areas where kids are allowed to swim.  The red and white gate marks the deep area so kids can't go past that.  She is the little girl standing in the shallow end and the little boy holding on to one of the gates is her little brother who is practicing kicking as he wants to learn to swim.  Above him is a diving board. Bob the Builder is sitting in the lifeguard tower and he has his tools with him as sometimes the diving board breaks. In front of Bob is a small area for babies to play in the sand (she had a name for it, I don't remember).  Behind Bob on the beach are my husband and I sitting in beach chairs. 

 

I think it's pretty cool and they've been playing with it for a couple of days now.  

The grade school has a Lego Club and both my daughters are in it.  They meet once a month after school and the leader gives them a theme and they build stuff and at the end show their creations to the other kids.  I dropped them off the other day and bumped into a neighbor and his father on the way home.  The neighbor asked where my kids were and I told them that I had just dropped them at Lego Club.  He then introduced me to his Dad saying my two daughters go to the same school as his son.  The father then questioned why my daughters were at Lego Club.  "Is that bisexual?" he asked.  Ok, I know he meant unisex, so I didn't correct him, except to respond, "Absolutely not, all my kids love Legos". He has three grandchildren, one grandson plays with Legos all day, his sister has never been interested so he assumed Legos were a boy thing. I said I always played with Legos as a kid too, but as we were already at my house at this point, I didn't tell him that one of the Lego bins we have is one that I bought for myself long before I had kids when the Lego stores first opened in Chicago.  I would come home from work and build things. So not only are they for girls and boys there is no age limit :)