ADD - kid vs parent

My middle daughter is a bit absent minded.  Sometimes her poor short term memory worries me. I'm not sure if it's a lack of focus or that she truly doesn't remember.  

For example we'll be talking about going to the library and what books to get, and then we'll get ready to go, get in the car and she'll ask where we're going?

I'll ask her to get something and she'll leave the room and come back a minute later without it.  I'll ask where it is and she says she forgot.  

We kiss our kids goodnight in each of their rooms.  Sometimes my husband and I are in the same room at the same time sometimes not.  Very often if we don't go in together she'll say one of us didn't kiss her goodnight.  Not because she's stalking or wants extra kisses, but because she forgot.  

She's eight and maybe this is typical behavior for an eight year old, but my older daughter is so on top of things that she wasn't like that when she was eight.  

I realize these aren't all true ADD symptoms but I did take an online quiz the other day to see if she was even on the spectrum.  I answered as honestly as I could and she came in the low range of possible mild ADD.  Then I saw a link for a similar test for adults so I took it.  I got the same number as her but on the adult scale that put me smack in the middle of the mild ADD category.  I blame the multitasking required of parenting, and my iPhone.  I guess I should work on fixing my own issues and let her be.  

The Birth Order Book

I bought this book for my husband as he has always been fascinated by family dynamics.  He's an only child and his parents aren't very close to their siblings for various reasons and I think that is why.

He doesn't read often but really enjoyed this book.  He spent most of the time reading it psychoanalyzing the rest of us and after quoting and summarizing large sections insisted that I should read it too. Before I even started reading it, I knew our kids fit the stereotypes for their birth order.  While this book is not meant as a parenting book, it can certainly be read as one.  The author encourages you to find out the birth order of the people you are close with (either professionally or personally) arguing that knowing their birth order will help you understand why they are the way the are, and then can help you relate to them.  Obviously that works with parenting as well.

His tips for our little family of 5
1.  It's ok to treat each child differently.  What works for one may not work for the others.  Also just because one child gets something (in terms of material stuff or privileges doesn't all need to get the same)
2.  Make as much time as possible for one on one time with your children.
3.  The middle child often feels squeezed or neglected between the oldest (who is often an ambitious conscientious child) and the baby of the family (who gets attention due to probably needing more help.  The middle child often feels they can't measure up to older sibling but also gets frustrated that the younger sibling gets away with things they can't.  Tip number 2 is especially true of child #2.  They really crave they attention that the other siblings get, and I have been trying to do more for my Little Hugger.  She's a sweet loving little girl, and I know when she acts out it's because she feels ignored.
4. Treat the baby of the family the same way you treated the firstborn at that age.  Meaning, don't let them get away with things just because they are the baby.  Give them responsibilities that are age appropriate so the older ones don't feel they are doing all the work, but also to teach the youngest that he needs to help out too.
5.  Make sure to take time to read to the youngest.  Story time at bedtime was a nightly occurence with our firstborn, and fairly regular with our second.  Unfortunately nighttime routines take longer and we often skip bedtime stories to try to get everyone to bed on time.  When that happens I do make more of an effort to read to him in the daytime when his sisters are at school, and to their credit they often read to him in the car.

None of the above tips are earthshattering and I could probably have come up with them all myself, but sometimes it helps to get a reminder

It was an interesting read although I have to say that while most of the people I know fit their birth order type right on, I don't feel that there is a very accurate portrayal of the second born of a two child family - me.  I don't fit the regular baby mold, and am in many ways (but not all) a first born type even though I'm only 2 1/2 years younger than my sister.

Sex Ed continued

So, a while ago I had "the talk" with my Little Reader. As dinner was winding down, we somehow got on the topic of periods. I don't know how but I let Little Hugger and Little Man leave to get ready for bed and then asked my husband if he'd rather skip this too. Less than a second passed before he cleared his dishes.

We have a "how babies are made book" but it's in French. My parents were living in Switzerland when I was expecting Little Hugger and my Mom saw this book and thought it might help explain everything to Little Reader who was about 2 at the time. It's a board book with picture that are detailed enough for the toddlers but since it's in French I made up the words

Tonight being asked by an almost 9 year old about periods I figured I'd go back to the book as it has cartoon drawings of the uterus which made it easier to explain. I had told her the basics over the years but I figured this was as good a time as any to give her more info.

Once we were done talking she asked to look at the book some more so I left her room to tuck Little Hugger in. About a minute later Little Reader comes in with the book open to this picture. She said she knew one was supposed to be the sperm and the other the egg, but wasn't sure which was which.  I told her and then Little Hugger wanted to see the picture too.  So Little Reader says, "Did you know that's how babies are made?  The man has the sperm the woman has the egg, and when they meet they make a baby. But don't ask me how they get together cause it's REALLY disgusting, and you don't want to know"

Love is a Given, Respect is Earned

That's a quote from Earl Woods (Tiger Woods' Dad).  I don't remember when I heard it first, but  it was before I had kids.  Still it stuck with me.  Once I had kids I realized how true it is.  Of course we love our kids.  And they love their parents. But respect is different.

When Earl was talking about it, he meant parents love their kids unconditionally but the respect has to be earned (not sure if he would respect the dog Tiger became after he died, but that's another topic).  Still lately I've been thinking more about kids respecting their parents (specifically me) and parents respecting their kids.  Yes, my kids love me, we start almost everyday with hugs and snuggles in my bed and heartfelt hugs throughout the day and before tucking them in at night.  But respect, well, some days I don't feel I have earned it, mostly because I haven't showed it to them. 

When I have to ask my kids repeatedly to do something that they know I expect of them.  When they disregard our longstanding rules, I feel like they are not respecting me.  I hate to be a nag, and I encourage my children's independence, but after a while certain rules/chores should be a given.  And yes them obeying rules is a sign of respect to me. 

What I've realized lately though is that when they don't respect me, part of it is, I am not respecting them and their feelings as much as I should.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on giving them run of the house, but I do need to find an appropriate middle ground.  Taking the time to listen to them, and really engage them. I have to admit this is hardest with Little Hugger as she's at that longwinded age of story telling and I often end up finding my mind wandering and not really listening until I realize she's done and asked me a question about what she just said.  She is also the one that tests me the most and I understand enough to know those things are related.  I need to work harder to really listen, and earn her respect again. 

Don't Go Through Life Looking Through a Viewfinder

Our children's lives are extremely well documented.  Between regular cameras, video cameras, and camera phones, we could film every moment in our children's lives.  But that doesn't mean we should. 

Yesterday we went to a pumpkin farm and there were tons of families there with young kids.  Along with the pumpkins there were carnival style rides and other things for kids to do. The parents (my husband and I included) would give their kids tickets for the rides and then go find the perfect spot to get a picture of their kids reaction to the ride. 

Digital cameras obviously give you the freedom to snap as many pictures as you want and then delete later or edit them at home to create the perfect shot, but that doesn't mean you have to shoot constantly.

I do a pretty good job of putting our pictures in photo albums and enjoy looking through them with the kids later, but even more than that I enjoy the actual moments.  After we were done with the rides I tried to restrain myself from taking more pictures, and it was hard.  I wanted to get the perfect shot of all three in the middle of all the pumpkins on the good camera for the album, but then I also wanted a cute shot that I could post on Facebook while we were still there. Trying to get all three to smile gets tough and everyone ends up grumpy.

With the holidays fast approaching, I encourage you to put the camera down and enjoy the moment and create memories.  I'll do my best too.

Going from 2 to 3

When I was little my sister and I often asked my Mom for a little brother. She said no and when pressed for a reason she would say she only has two hands, how could she cross the street with more than 2 kids?

Fast forward 30 years, this time it was my husband trying to convince me to go from 2 to 3 kids. He's an only child, and while he had a great childhood and was able to reap the benefits of being an only child - like getting a brand new car when he was 15 (he got it for Christmas before he turned 16) he always kind of missed having other kids in the house.

So by the time we'd settled into our routine with 2 kids he started lobbying for #3. Meanwhile, I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Having 2 kids in school at the same time, having some time to myself to take care of projects around the house (or just take some time to do whatever I want to do). I used my Mom's line.

He didn't buy it. He started giving the big picture, more milestones, more college graduations, more weddings, more grandkids. The more I thought about it, I realized that yes the big stuff down the road is more important.  Come into the present, Little Man is 3 1/2 years old and brings me a lot of joy.  He's a happy little guy who really has made our family complete.  Sure there are tough days or times when I feel like one is not getting my full attention even though they deserve it, but the good ones far outnumber the tough ones.

Oh, and how do I cross the street? Holding two kids' hands and one holds another kid's hand. I call them my little ducklings, and sometimes they quack as they cross the street.

Finding a Middle Ground

Little Reader has very definite opinions on things, and once she decides something, that's the way it is for a long time.  With her there is no in between, you don't kind of like something, you either love it or hate it. It's very black and white.  For a while I've been pushing her to find the middle ground.  Her favorite color is turquoise.  If I see her getting too obsessed with the negative side of something, I tell her to find her turquoise (since it's a mix of colors)

The other day I took the kids with me to a local mall to pick out a birthday present for their friend. We started at Target but didn't find anything we liked so walked through Sears to get to Claire's. We had barely entered the store when Little Reader asked, "why don't you like Sears?"
Me: When did I say I don't like Sears?
Her: Well, I don't know, but we never shop here.

First off I don't have anything against Sears. It's rarely my first choice when shopping, but since they started carrying Lands End I do shop there more frequently, and their toy department has saved Christmas on at least two occasions.

Second, and this is the bigger point, I realized that she's getting her very cut and dry opinions from me. For example, I loathe Walmart, but love Target. I know some people love Walmart the way I love Target and Costco, but around here Walmart sucks and I avoid Walmart at absolutely all costs

She's getting to the age where she takes other peoples opinions on things very seriously and how you feel about something affects how you fit in. I need to encourage her to have a more open mind.  I need to start adhering to the old adage of if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Little Ears hear everything, and they really tune in to the negative stuff.  While I do feel I should be honest with her about my views about the important stuff, I need to work on showing her that everything is not black and white, yes and no, good or bad - that there are many shades of gray.

Beauty

I started this post awhile ago and never finished it.  Since I think it fits with my theme of balance I decided to finish it this month.  A while back there was a post on the Huffington Post about about beauty and little girls and whether we should tell them they're beautiful or downplay it.  The links to the Huffington Post piece and the rebuttal after.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp

http://www.blogher.com/why-i-will-continue-tell-my-daughters-theyre-beautiful

I read these two articles, the rebuttal first then the Huffington Post piece, and I have to say I'm somewhere in the middle. Yes I agree part of our job as women (mothers, aunts, teachers, etc) is to help build the self esteem of our children. For girls some of self esteem is tied to appearance, for some girls too much. So I have this to say in response. I have 2 girls age 8 and 6 and a little boy who is 3.

Yes I compliment my children but not everyday and I compliment them more on behavior and intelligence/ hard work then appearance. I read some of the responses to both articles and was surprised by the people who tell their daughters that they are beautiful everyday. At that point I think it becomes just words. For a compliment of any kind to have an impact, it needs to be appropriately timed, not just routine.

For the same reason, I have to admit, I don't make a habit of telling my kids I love them. I don't have to, they know it. I think actions speak louder than words. I hear tons of parents drop their kids off at school and send them off with and I love you. Mine is "have fun, be good". I remember one day as I dropped my daughter off at preschool the teacher greeting her at the front door commented to my daughter on my send off, "What does she mean be good? You're always good."

Having said all that yes, I will tell my daughters if I think they look particularly pretty that day, but it's more focusing on the outfit they picked out,or the way their hair looks, not just a general you are beautiful. Yes, I would rather compliment them on their achievements at school - put the perfect spelling test on the fridge, make a point of telling my husband about their achievement in their presence.

While I don't think there is anything bad about commenting in a positive way on someone's appearance the first time you meet, kid or adult, as long as it's genuine. The rebuttal author mentioned that she had all these urges to compliment the little girl on her outfit but chose instead to ask her about books. Why not do both? Break the ice with the compliment and then followup with what is more important (the brains and emotions).

I admit my parents weren't overly complimentary but that just wasn't their style. I don't count it against them, just as I can probably count the times my parents said they love me on one hand whereas when I talk to my in laws every phone conversation ends with them telling me they love me, and so I say it in return. I know both sets of parents do love me, but when it comes to love actions speak louder than words, and to be fair by actions I am receiving it from both pairs.

I do remember though being fairly insecure about my looks as a kid but that was more due to barbs from my older sister. I do try as much as I can to squash any negative comments I hear my older daughter making to her little sister as I know how much those comments sting, and for me those were the ones that when you hear them enough you start to believe they are true.

So I say yes we need to love our little girls, empower them and let them know that brains and character stand for much more than beauty, but there is nothing wrong with feeling beautiful as well, as long as that is not your prime focus.

Personalities

Parenting is tough, no question, but for me the hardest part isn't the schedules, the homework, it's the challenge of being a family is existing and dealing with different personalities. I'm just talking about the people in your household, I'm not even going to get into extended family of parents/inlaws/aunts/uncles/cousins.  We  have 3 kids, Little Reader (8 years old), Little Hugger (6 years old), and Little Man (3 years old).

Little Reader is a smart kid, she obviously loves reading, enjoys school, is compassionate but also extremely hard on herself. She is generally a happy kid, but also a perfectionist. She knows she's smart and will beat herself up if she doesn't understand something, or makes a seemingly stupid mistake. She will brood about anything negative said about her. She relishes her role as the helpful big sister, but sometimes oversteps the boundaries and bosses her siblings around (which they do not appreciate). I try to be careful when I have to critique something she's doing, but at the same time not sugarcoat things so much that she never learns to accept criticism.

Little Hugger is a loving girl, enjoys more of the stereotypical girl stuff than her sister. She is extremely creative and finds the beauty in everything. She has numerous collections and is definitely more on the messy side.  Actually that's putting it mildly, she borders on hoarder tendencies.  When we go through her room to clean up she is often on the verge of tears as she gets rid of things.  This week's weekly project is cleaning up the kids' rooms.  Her's will not be easy or fun for either of us. She cries easily, but gets over it quickly. Having been the same way as a kid myself, I realize that most of the time she's probably bottling up some of the feelings and something seemingly little tips the scales and makes her cry. 

Little Man is a very happy guy. He does have a stubborn streak especially when it comes to food. He's doing much better with the eating and has basically progressed from being a problem eater to just a regular picky eater. I think we're close to finishing up with his feeding therapist.  He is getting to the independent stage of toddlerhood, which I do my best to encourage. He enjoys spending time with his sisters, and is always trying to keep up with the big kids. 

The hardest part is making sure they each get good one on one time with their Dad and I.  I had a great time with Little Reader on her Brownie campout last week and it's rare that we get to do something like that.  Little Hugger is now on the same school schedule as Little Reader so aside from when I take her to her dance class on Saturdays and the others stay home with Dad we don't get a lot of one on one time either.  I'm trying to expand that time to include other fun activities or errands so it's not just time spent in the car.  As far as Little Man, he's with me most of the time, and he is actually pretty good company and I try to balance our time together between fun stuff and getting the things done that I need to do.  

Looking Forward

My son is starting to potty train and we've been talking about moving him out of the crib and in to a big kid bed as soon as we can afford a new bed for my daughter. I've started thinking of the things I'm looking forward to as they grow up.  Some are in the near future, some a ways away but all good.

I look forward to being able to leave the house without having to think about bringing anything other than my keys and wallet.

I look forward to not having to pick my car based on configuring carseats.

I look forward to my kids being old enough that I will be able to leave them at home when I run errands.

I look forward to the day when my kids are old enough that we can get a puppy.  All kids should have a pet, but I want to wait til my little guy is in kindergarten so I have time to train/take care of a puppy.

Of course there are some tradeoffs, some of the things I look forward to, I will lose other sweet things. 

I look forward to not having to change anymore diapers, but I will miss the fit of giggles that kids make when they get a "zerbert"

I look forward to a time when my daily schedule does not have to allow for naps, but I miss the ways newborns fall asleep snuggled up on your chest.

I look forward to the days when my kids will sleep in, but I will miss our morning snuggles

I look forward to the day when my kids can walk to school on their own, but will miss the security of knowing exactly where they are at all times.

I look forward to the day my husband and I will be able to go out without hiring a babysitter, but will miss the little reports of what they did while we were gone.

I look forward to being able to take the kids to the movies, but will miss our story times.

I look forward to the day when I won't have to bring a fully stocked diaper bag with me when I leave the house, but will miss always having snacks I can raid when I get hungry.

I'm sure there are more, but these are the main ones.

Mommy meltdown

Last Monday night was rough. My husband had been gone since Thursday on a golf trip so I'd been alone with the kids since then. They were on spring break so we were all together at all times. We did go on day outings which helped keep things fun, but also required a bit of planning on my part to make it work.

Monday night, after kids being back at school and my middle daughter taking her usual sweet time getting ready for bed, I lost it. I yelled at her, to get moving, which of course had no effect, then I got in her face and yelled some more, which made her cry.

Finally I started to cry too. I told her I don't like yelling and pre-kids I didn't yell. I told her that she had made me into this mean yelling person by not doing what is asked of her, and I didn't like it. We went back and forth for a while and finally calmed down enough to finish getting ready for bed. My oldest gave me a big hug, cause she could tell I needed it.

Once I calmed down I had a more calm talk with my younger daughter about why I get do upset when she dawdles.

I got them all tucked in and went down to our family room and cried some more. My husband got back a little while later and he could see I'd been crying. I told him why and we talked about how our daughter is basically showing classic middle child behavior when she acts out. The bottom line is yelling is not going to change it, respecting her needs and wishes is.

This past week I've made an effort to be more present with her, and do things that she wants to do. Her behavior has improved dramatically. She showers before dinner with minimal fuss. She gets ready faster. She's not perfect and they have missed the story cutoff a couple of nights, but we're getting there. Everyone's back to school and activities now and I felt bad that on Tuesday my oldest had an hour of dance class followed by an hour of soccer practice and the other two just had to come along. Not much fun for them, so I need to figure out a better way to handle that one. I can't really car pool since no one else we know is in both. The soccer field is pretty close to our house, so I may just drop her off and take the other two home or to a playground until I need to pick her up again.

Her big wish for her birthday is rollerskates, and I think the main reason is that her sister doesn't have a pair so it'll be her own thing. My husband and I talked about how she doesn't have many activities that are just hers. Both my daughters take dance and now play soccer, my oldest takes piano and my younger wants to, and as much as I hate to add an extra activity to an already busy schedule, that may be what she's craving, something that's completely hers.

The school is commemorating National Poetry Month by letting the kids read poems over the PA system as part of the morning announcements. My younger daughter immediately volunteered and has been practicing her poem - Hungry Mungry by Shel Silverstein - for the past few days (without me ever asking her once to do it). So things are definitely improving.

Of course now my older daughter feels like my attention towards her has waned, so she's the one getting upset and starting to give me attitude.

Luckily my little man for the most part still goes with the flow, probably since he's with me all day and gets a lot of attention.

As I said ages ago, all my little trees need to be nurtured and feel loved for our little forest to be happy and prosper.

The Talk

As I've mentioned, my oldest daughter recently turned 8 and after overhearing a couple of her comments about procreation that were inaccurate I figured it was time to set the record straight.  Her comments were totally innocent and actually pretty sweet - like when she told her sister that lions have to get married to have cubs.  Now I know Simba and Nala fell in love, but I don't think Rafiki ever actually conducted a wedding :)

Then today in the car her sister was reading one of the Puppy Place books and asked what a dog breeder is.  Anyway so after dinner tonight, while her younger brother and sister were cleaning up I asked her what if anything she knew about how babies were made.  She looked at me all confused, because up until now we used the "when two people love each other very much their love makes a baby", and focused on how the baby grows once in Mom's belly and how it comes out.

Having a little brother in the house, she knows about the basic difference of boys and girls. Rather than going into all the details of intercourse, I decided to make this a big picture of how mammals reproduce. At bit wimpy I know, but not inaccurate. She already knew about women having eggs inside them as we've talked a little bit about menstruation, but knew nothing about sperm. 

After explaining that the males put their penises into the female's vagina, and the sperm meets the egg, she had the expected response
- Eewww, I don't want anyone doing that to me.
- You'll change your mind about that when you get older.
A couple of minutes later she asked if her Dad had done that to me? 
- Yes. 
- When? 
- About 9 months before each of you were born. 

We'll deal with the discussion of sex for fun later, but at this age while she's still grossed out, it's fine for her to assume it's an occasional thing. I also used this as a chance to try to explain the word "sexy" and why I think it is inappropriate for kids to sing songs like, "I'm sexy and I know it".  I realize it's a catchy tune, but not something a grade schooler should be singing.

Overall it was pretty painless, but I'm sure the follow-up questions will be coming, which is part of the reason I timed this talk for this week (while she's on spring break).  Hopefully we'll have everything covered before she goes back to school. I also told her that some parents may not have had this talk with their kids (especially younger ones), so no need to talk about it too much at school either.  

Did I have any reason to worry?

Tuesday was one of the first nice days in a while so I finally took the kids to the playground for the first time in a long time. Usually I just let them run and do their own thing. My daughter found someone she knew so was playing with her friend. My little guy around by himself for a while and then I saw a couple of 10-11 year old boys approach him and ask him if he wanted to play pirates with them. He did. Immediately my guard went up, and I don't really know why. I didn't know the older boys but they seemed like nice kids. I've had girls come up to play with him at other playgrounds but somehow that seems fine, and this seemed strange. Again, I don't know why. I kept a closer watch on my son while he played with the older boys than I usually do.

In the end, nothing bad or weird ever happened. He had fun, and I left the playground wondering if I was being overly cautious and if so why?

Morning Drama

We were supposed to get 4-6 inches of snow last night so I was expecting that the kids would have a snow day today. Sadly, 6 am came and went without a call from the school despite snow on the ground and more falling.

I got the kids ready for school and as my daughter was getting her boots out of the closet I heard a bump and a scream. I ran over to hear and she was screaming crying and holding a tooth in her hand. Oh shit! She is in the middle of losing her baby teeth, but hasn't had a loose one in a while. She was bleeding quite a bit, so I ran down to get my trusty red washcloth (if you have kids you need to have some of these, trust me). I brought it upstairs for her still not knowing which tooth she had lost and thinking we may have to go to the dentist this morning as all her front teeth are now her adult teeth. We sat in the bathroom for a while with her on my lap crying while I cleaned her up with the washcloth.

Once she calmed I look at the tooth and the new space in her smile and confirmed that yes this was a baby tooth, and probably next in line to fall out given that she lost the opposite one not long ago. Phew!!!

The bleeding stopped pretty quickly and we left to walk to school. As we were walking I asked her how many teeth she had now lost. She answered 8 and then thought a little and said, "Duncan Keith may have lost 7 teeth but I lost 8".

In case you are wondering about the red washcloth, it's a tip I got from my Mom. Most little kids don't like the sight of blood (especially their own). So if you use a dark colored washcloth to clean them up, the appearance of the blood won't be as dramatic as say a white washcloth. I use red as I have gotten a couple of rally towels from Hawks games over the years that I keep for this purpose. I think one year they need to make one with the old line, "Give Blood, Play Hockey". Until then, I use these.

2 Good Moments

I started this blog with the intent of keeping track of the cute/silly things my kids do so I don't forget them. It's been a while since I wrote about one, but this week I actually have two.

My daughter is the "VIP of the week" in her second grade class this week. They are supposed to bring in pictures of themselves and their family, their favorite book, and fill out a questionnaire about their favorite things. She filled it out well in advance but said that she was nervous about one of her answers - her favorite TV show, Dinosaur Train. I asked her why and she said that she was afraid all the other kids would laugh at her and say it was a babyish show. One of her best friends told her that she watched it when she was two and she thought it was a stupid show. For the record, that's impossible as they are 8 and the show is only 2 or 3 years old, and I told my daughter this.



Most of her friends like shows like iCarly and Victorious and other things I've never heard of. I don't let my kids watch a lot of TV so when they do I want them to learn something not just watch some mindless tween crap. Every now and then they'll ask about a new show and I'll watch it with them and decide if it's appropriate. Sometimes, I'm ok with it, sometimes not.

Anyway, I asked her if it still was her favorite show and she said it was because she likes dinosaurs and likes learning about them. My husband and I told her that your opinions are important and while it is important to respect other people's opinions even if you disagree, it is even more important to stand by your own beliefs and opinions. People will respect you more for standing strong rather than bowing to the common opinion.

Her day came and she stood in front of her class and gave her presentation, including saying that Dinosaur Train is her favorite show. Guess what, no one said a thing, good or bad. She admitted that she had been silly to be worried.

Ok, story number 2. I was changing my son's diaper the other day and as he was lying on the changing table, he said, "I pulled on the curtain, and it fell down, and I'm sorry." I asked him which curtain, and it was one on a tension rod hiding a storage closet in our basement. I thanked him for telling me, and told him I would fix it. I have to say I was surprised and proud of him. He'll be 3 in May so I wouldn't have expected to admit to wrong doing, especially when we were not even in the room where it had happened. It was an easy fix but I made sure to praise his honesty again to him, and when I related the story to his sisters and my husband. I'm a big believer in catching your kids being good.

Feeding Therapy session #2

The high chair has been packed away and replaced by the booster seat. my son has been sitting at the table with the rest of us for the past week. He loves the electric toothbrush I got - Thomas, of course. I started by lightly rubbing it on his hand, then cheeks, and around his face, then lips and finally inside his mouth. First on his teeth but also gums, tongue and inside of cheeks. He had no problem with any of it, and pretty quickly asked to do it himself. In fact, I had to take it away as he was walking all over with it, and I'm always afraid that he'll trip while it's in his mouth and get hurt.

Yesterday, I set him and his sisters up to play with food. I gave each of them a plate with some Cheerios on it. First I had them line them up to make a road, then train tracks. Once I saw he was fine with touching the dry ones, I had them each smush a couple of Cheerios. We pretended it was sand and then I added a little of his left over baby food to be the water at the beach. We took some of the whole Cheerios and used them as people and had them "dive" in to the water by pushing them in. The idea being to start with just touching something dry, then smushing it to change the texture, play with the texture, and then combine the dry with the wet to get comfortable with the wet texture. He did pretty well with all of it and played along. My daughters of course want to speed things along and asked if we could use cheese or bananas instead. I tried to explain that even though those are soft, that's not the direction we are going in yet. Lots of baby steps before we actually get to the real food.

This morning after his drop off class and a quick lunch the therapist came back. She started in our family room, first using the same brush as last time rubbing it all over his body to get him used to different sensations. He giggled through most of it. Then aw did the monster faces and wiggling his lips. Then she does a thing where she rubs her fingers all around the inside of his mouth pretending she's looking for an animal. She never does find it as the sneaky thing goes down his throat to his belly :)

Then she got a kind of hard rubbery toothbrush and dipped it in Pixy Stick powder and rubbed it around his lips, mouth and his tongue, and had him bite on it. She does everything 5 times, and he was fine with it the first couple of times and seemed to like the flavor, but by the 3rd time he was getting tired of it. But again she did a total of 5 times. Then she let him play with a puzzle - he chose one of the fishing puzzles with the little fishing pole. Then it was time to get in the kitchen and play.

He climbed up in his chair and we got out Ritz crackers, Cheerios, apple sauce, and vanilla yogurt. We started with the Ritz, first rolling it around on the plate, then smushing them with our fingers and then crushing them with a palm or fist. She had him take one of the whole ones and put it on his cheeks, head, nose to get used to the feel. Then she had him balance it on his nose and then pretend to sneeze and look down real fast to try and get it to land on the plate. He did fine with that.

Then she had him try and hold the Ritz in his mouth. It took a little encouragement to get him to do it, but he finally did and then spit it out. The second time he tried, he used his teeth instead of his lips and accidentally but off a small piece. He started to get scared and cry and she told him it was ok to spit it out, which he did. After calming down a little she had him do it again and he was fine. Then we held the Ritz in our mouths and then balanced some Cheerios on it, before dropping them down on the plate the next time again he bit off s little and got more scared and stared to cry. She had him look up and that got him to spit it out.  While he did rub off what was on his face, he never picked out the piece of cracker that had gotten in his mouth, so he must have swallowed it. She had him do it one more time, so that his final memory of the exercise wasn't a negative one.  She also explained to me that if he starts to gag on something it's best to startle him a little to for him to spit it out. It's a fine line though cause as my daughter said when I told her that later, sometimes if you get rally startled you inhale really fast and that would maybe make him swallow hard/choke.

As a little reward for his efforts, she let him play with a puzzle while we set up some more stuff.  Time to play with wet things too.  She put some vanilla yogurt and apple sauce on her plate, and had him scoop some on his. She drew a circle in hers with a spoon and asked him to do the same. She picked up some of the smushed crackers and sprinkled them on top.  Still he played along. Finally she asked him to mix up the crackers into the yogurt or applesauce. He hesitated quite a bit but finally agreed to do it together with her. Once he does something wet that he doesn't like, she quickly wipes it off and says, "No big deal". The idea being you don't want to torment the poor kid by forcing them to keep it on their fingers if they don't like the sensation, and teaching them that they can just wipe it off if they feel like.

At that point her had pretty much had enough, and our hour was up any. The Early Intervention group is also sending a Occupational Therapist to our house on Tuesday to evaluate him, and I asked her about that.  I feel like he's fine when it comes to motor skills, it's just the sensation he doesn't like and I guess it's more of a behavioral problem than a developmental. She said that most times, she works hand in hand with an occupational therapist as they work with him to get comfortable with different textures of non- food items, as a parallel therapy. They both follow something called Sequential Oral Sensory (SOS) Feeding therapy. More on that after she comes on Tuesday.

She asked me to do more of the same activities with him before she comes back next week, and was pretty happy with his progress so far. The dry foods no longer freak him out. It's now the wet stuff he needs encouragement on. She recommended sneaking a little hard stuff in his food (ground up Cheerios in yobaby for example), and increasing the amount as he tolerates it. The first time, so little that he can't see it, but maybe tastes it, and then increase it.

Just the 5 of us again

We had parents visiting from November 9th through January 11th with a two week break in the beginning of December (which I barely remember due to the holiday prep craziness and worrying that we wouldn't have a Christmas this year.)

Overall it was good to have them here, but it's nice to be back to just our little family. My husband and I both get along well with our parents and each others which definitely helps. It was great with the holiday chaos to have an adult in the house keeping an eye on the kids when I needed to run errands. While I did do some shopping with both sets, it was definitely easier to go solo. The kids enjoy spending time with their grandparents even if it is getting harder for all of them to keep up with the energy level of young kids.

Thankfully, none of the grandparents expected much in terms of activities. They were happy to just stay home. In fact at one point I felt guilty when I realized that since I had been leaving my inlaws at home when I ran errands my mother in law had not left the house in a week. I mentioned it to her, and she said it was fine, she was enjoying just being with the kids. Ok. Great, cause I gotta go out again :) My FIL got a little stir crazy so did come with me a few times.

I'm so used to getting up, getting everyone fed and dressed and doing whatever we need, I kind of forgot that unless I let people the grandparents know the plan the night before we may not leave the house till 11am which made it tough to get my son down for his nap by 130. Both Moms are the type that don't wash their hair every day so when they do it's a time consuming process of washing, drying and hot rollers. Being a wash and go girl, I don't get this, maybe some day I will but there were a couple of days when I had a plan for the day only to find out it was hair washing day. Alright, see ya, I'm going out.

It was interesting watching my MIL and my Mom interact with the kids. If I asked one of the kids to do something and my MIL heard she would immediately repeat what I had asked but in a slightly sterner voice. I know she was trying to help so I never said anything and neither did my kids, but in most cases my request was not a drop what you're doing and do what I asked kind of thing. It was more, when you finish your craft can you set the table?On the flip side, my Mom is always very concerned that she's going to step on toes or intervene when it's not her place to and there were times when I would wish she would speak up and back me up, but she would keep quiet.

The Dad's are very different too. My FIL is very hands on, loves to play with the kids, tell jokes and stories. My Dad is much more quiet and doesn't play with them at all. This totally bugs my sister as her inlaws are pretty hands on and active with her kids too. I've just accepted that this is the way he is.

So as much as I miss their company, being able to let my son nap as long as he needs because there was always an adult in the house, or not having to bring any or all kids with me if I had to run out, it's kind of nice to just be back to our own thing.

Legos are just for boys?

Absolutely not!!!!

A few days ago I read a post by someone about girl vs boy toys and why does there need to be a difference? I can't remember who wrote it or where I found it, but the author commented on the Lego aisle at most toy stores and how there were lots of sets that would be considered "boyish" - Cars, Pirates, vehicles, etc and the girls are stuck with basic sets that included pink bricks but didn't have a theme. My oldest daughter wished for (and got) one of the pirate sets for Christmas last year and loved it.

My younger daughter is more interested in things that are traditionally girlie and wishes they would bring back the Belleville Legos. I just got the new catalog and there are some more "Friends" sets in there this time around. I'll probably get her the Heartlake Vet or Tree House for her birthday. Admittedly some of the other sets are a little too girlie for my taste but at least there is an Invention Workshop which would have been perfect for my oldest last year (she had a science birthday party) They also have a dinosaur series that I bet my oldest would love, it's never too early to buy the birthday presents, especially since I have a coupon that expires at the end of the month.

The other day she was playing with duplos with her younger brother. When it was time for his nap, he asked her to build him a beach. She said she would work on it while he was napping and he could play with it when he woke up.  I put him down for a nap and a little while later she brought me this. 

The details that she came up with crack me up.  Just to explain a little bit.  The blue is obviously the water.  The fences are to mark off the areas where kids are allowed to swim.  The red and white gate marks the deep area so kids can't go past that.  She is the little girl standing in the shallow end and the little boy holding on to one of the gates is her little brother who is practicing kicking as he wants to learn to swim.  Above him is a diving board. Bob the Builder is sitting in the lifeguard tower and he has his tools with him as sometimes the diving board breaks. In front of Bob is a small area for babies to play in the sand (she had a name for it, I don't remember).  Behind Bob on the beach are my husband and I sitting in beach chairs. 

 

I think it's pretty cool and they've been playing with it for a couple of days now.  

The grade school has a Lego Club and both my daughters are in it.  They meet once a month after school and the leader gives them a theme and they build stuff and at the end show their creations to the other kids.  I dropped them off the other day and bumped into a neighbor and his father on the way home.  The neighbor asked where my kids were and I told them that I had just dropped them at Lego Club.  He then introduced me to his Dad saying my two daughters go to the same school as his son.  The father then questioned why my daughters were at Lego Club.  "Is that bisexual?" he asked.  Ok, I know he meant unisex, so I didn't correct him, except to respond, "Absolutely not, all my kids love Legos". He has three grandchildren, one grandson plays with Legos all day, his sister has never been interested so he assumed Legos were a boy thing. I said I always played with Legos as a kid too, but as we were already at my house at this point, I didn't tell him that one of the Lego bins we have is one that I bought for myself long before I had kids when the Lego stores first opened in Chicago.  I would come home from work and build things. So not only are they for girls and boys there is no age limit :)

Hallelujah

My son has been making small strides in getting closer to eating real food. If he spills I have had him wipe up the spill. If he spills on his fingers he has started licking it off instead of asking me to wipe it clean.

Last night was the real breakthrough though. I was cleaning up Christmas stuff in the afternoon and he saw me throw away his advent calendar. He asked if he could have a piece of chocolate but they were all gone (as he had given them all to us). He asked if he could have a different piece of chocolate after dinner, so I found a Hershey bar and told him he could have that.

While we were eating dinner I asked him if he wanted chocolate and he said yes. I broke off a small piece and gave it to him. First he just put it on his tray, then he started touching it and holding it. Of course it started to melt in his hand a little but instead of getting upset he just licked it off. He realized it tasted pretty good so got more on his hands do he could lick it off. He also licked the piece a couple of times. True he never actually put the piece in his mouth and chewed but this is still progress, and I'll take whatever I can get.

The feeding therapist is scheduled to come to our house for the first time on Thursday for an hour so hopefully he'll make some more progress before then.

Happy New Year

I usually don't make resolutions, but since overall 2011 wasn't that great a year, I feel it's worth making an effort to make 2012 better. Continuing the way I have been won't work, I'll be back in a funk in no time.

So priority one, getting our finances in order. It's true money doesn't buy happiness but not having money causes a lot of stress. While I feel a little better that my husband is no aware of our situation and so understands and shares my stress, it's time to fix it.

There are also a ton of rainy day projects that I always mean to get around too but never do (often because I felt like if I had the time to complete some project I should have been working on our finances so ended up doing neither. So I'm going to take a cue from another blog I saw, but some personal organizer and make a list of things I want to accomplish this year and break them into 1 week tasks. Some may be quicker than that, but since I'm a horrible procrastinator, I think mapping out a plan will help.

Some weeks will be easier than others but the overall goal is to stop ignoring what needs to be done and stay on task, for the greater goal of getting rid of a lot of the stresses in my life by dealing with them instead of ignoring them. I know in the end it'll make me happier and let me be more present with my kids and let me enjoy the things I want to enjoy. Here's to a happy 2012