Friends and Drugs

Let me start by saying I don't do drugs, never have, never will.  I do drink, but that's it as far as chemicals that mess with your head. I just never had any interest in pot (or anything stronger). Through the years, some of my friends have used it, and offered me, but I never accepted and they never pushed. I never used to judge my friends who smoked, I figured it was their business and not mine. I mean their smoking wasn't effecting me in any way. But now we all have kids and they still do it. My oldest daughter is the oldest kid in our group and the other kids ages range from 6 years down to 6 months old. A couple weeks ago we were at the birthday party of one of these kids and while the kids were still up and running around some of the parents started sneaking into to one of the closets to get high.

When we were getting ready to leave my kids were looking for the Moms to say goodbye.  We found 3 of them sitting on the porch smoking pot with the front door locked so the kids couldn't come out. Their children were all running around in the backyard with the Dads. It was a windowed door, so my kids could see them out there, and the Moms waved through the door, but that didn't seem sufficient to my kids. They wanted to say goodbye properly, thank the hostess, give hugs goodbye etc. One of the Moms (not the hostess) finally realized this and came back inside to give everyone hugs and we went on our way. I have to say at first I was a bit annoyed. Again I don't care if they choose to smoke, but it seems inappropriate for them to do it in front of the kids. I do drink in front of my kids, but not to the point of getting drunk, and I feel like getting high is on the same level as getting drunk in front of your kids. It just sets a bad example. As we were driving home, I asked my husband if he thought I was being too judgmental but he agreed with me that he thought it was inappropriate of them. I was annoyed for a few days and considered how I would broach the subject next time I saw these women.

Then I changed my mind, and figured when it happens again, if my kids ask about it, I'll use it as a teaching moment.  My oldest has already had the beginnings of the "Say No to Drugs" lesson in school, and we've tried to reinforce it at home. We've talked about peer pressure and I figured if our kids ever ask what our friends are doing, I'll just tell them, but point out that just cause our friends do it, their Dad and I don't. We can still be friends and respect each persons right to do what they want, without pushing each other one way or the other. I am still a bit conflicted though that they will think doing drugs is ok, because these are people my kids know well (as we've all been friends before the kids were born) and like and respect.  I guess it comes back to our family, our rules.

I do wonder how those parents are going to handle drugs when their kids are teenagers. It's not that any of them are addicts. It really does seem to be a social thing for them. Will they keep smoking until their kids reach a certain age, and then quit?  I mean what is the line in the sand for them, or do they never plan on stopping?  And if not are they going to smoke with their kids, or allow them to do it?  I do believe in teaching kids how to drink responsibly so they learn not to drink and drive and also they don't go off to college never having tried it, and then end up going crazy there as some of my friends did, but drugs are different.

The Golden Rule

Not long ago I taught my kids the concept of the golden rule.  I was getting tired of their complaining and arguing about what one had done to the other, not sharing, being rude, kicking, etc.  Unfortunately my oldest, who normally has a very kind heart took those words and to my surprise twisted them around to say that if her sister did something mean to her she was allowed to do the same back to her.  Absolutely not.  Then she actually told me that it was true because her teacher had said so in class.  I have spent the past couple of weeks fighting her on this.  Admittedly I was not in the classroom when the teacher said it, but I'm sure my daughter misinterpreted her words.  As much as I tried to explain this to my daughter the more she insisted that she was right.  Darn stubborn gene - not sure where she gets that from.  Finally I reminded her of what I used to say before she would go to a friend's house unsupervised - the rules that her father and I set for them, trump the rules of anyone else.  Teacher, friend's parent, babysitter, whoever.  So even if she truly believes that her teacher said that if someone is mean to you, you can be mean back, be the better kid and either ignore what the other kid is doing (if it's just a little annoying), or talk about the problem if someone hurt her feelings or hurt her physically.  I think she has finally accepted that concept, which given her usual adherence to rules means she will probably follow it.

I have to say this whole thing hurt me because it showed that my smart and normally very sweet girl was being mean on purpose and thought she was justified in doing so.

Bucket List

A while back a check list style bucket list was sent around on Facebook.  I don't know if it was the exact list from the movie, or if someone had made it up themselves.  Either way, I thought it a pretty pointless exercise.  A true bucket list should reflect who you are, not what other people think you should achieve.  I know a few people have skydiving and running marathons on their lists, which is fine, but I have no interest in either of those. So for what it's worth, here is mine.  Some are very general - like number 7.  Once I know that trip is really going to happen I'll get more detailed about the planning

1. Go on an African safari
2. Go on a transatlantic crossing
3. See all 50 US states (have been to 33 incl DC)
4. Pet a tiger cub
5. Go hot air ballooning
6. See the polar bears in Canada
7. Go to Australia
8. Walk on the Great Wall
9. Read the Bible cover to cover
10. Learn to drive stickshift and then get a fun sports car
11. Skate on the ice at the United Center (or any other NHL ice)
12. Ride an elephant
13. Go to Greenland and the Faroe Islands (they're part of Denmark, I'm curious to see what's there)
14. Go to the Olympics - I'd prefer the winter ones
15. See the pyramids
16. See my grandchildren get married
17. And if Richard Branson or NASA manages to make it possible for regular people to go to the moon in my lifetime, would love to see an "earthrise"