Friday, June 10, 2011

Friends and Drugs

Let me start by saying I don't do drugs, never have, never will.  I do drink, but that's it as far as chemicals that mess with your head. I just never had any interest in pot (or anything stronger). Through the years, some of my friends have used it, and offered me, but I never accepted and they never pushed. I never used to judge my friends who smoked, I figured it was their business and not mine. I mean their smoking wasn't effecting me in any way. But now we all have kids and they still do it. My oldest daughter is the oldest kid in our group and the other kids ages range from 6 years down to 6 months old. A couple weeks ago we were at the birthday party of one of these kids and while the kids were still up and running around some of the parents started sneaking into to one of the closets to get high.

When we were getting ready to leave my kids were looking for the Moms to say goodbye.  We found 3 of them sitting on the porch smoking pot with the front door locked so the kids couldn't come out. Their children were all running around in the backyard with the Dads. It was a windowed door, so my kids could see them out there, and the Moms waved through the door, but that didn't seem sufficient to my kids. They wanted to say goodbye properly, thank the hostess, give hugs goodbye etc. One of the Moms (not the hostess) finally realized this and came back inside to give everyone hugs and we went on our way. I have to say at first I was a bit annoyed. Again I don't care if they choose to smoke, but it seems inappropriate for them to do it in front of the kids. I do drink in front of my kids, but not to the point of getting drunk, and I feel like getting high is on the same level as getting drunk in front of your kids. It just sets a bad example. As we were driving home, I asked my husband if he thought I was being too judgmental but he agreed with me that he thought it was inappropriate of them. I was annoyed for a few days and considered how I would broach the subject next time I saw these women.

Then I changed my mind, and figured when it happens again, if my kids ask about it, I'll use it as a teaching moment.  My oldest has already had the beginnings of the "Say No to Drugs" lesson in school, and we've tried to reinforce it at home. We've talked about peer pressure and I figured if our kids ever ask what our friends are doing, I'll just tell them, but point out that just cause our friends do it, their Dad and I don't. We can still be friends and respect each persons right to do what they want, without pushing each other one way or the other. I am still a bit conflicted though that they will think doing drugs is ok, because these are people my kids know well (as we've all been friends before the kids were born) and like and respect.  I guess it comes back to our family, our rules.

I do wonder how those parents are going to handle drugs when their kids are teenagers. It's not that any of them are addicts. It really does seem to be a social thing for them. Will they keep smoking until their kids reach a certain age, and then quit?  I mean what is the line in the sand for them, or do they never plan on stopping?  And if not are they going to smoke with their kids, or allow them to do it?  I do believe in teaching kids how to drink responsibly so they learn not to drink and drive and also they don't go off to college never having tried it, and then end up going crazy there as some of my friends did, but drugs are different.


  1. This is a hard one. I did do drugs when I was in highschool but not since then. My daughter is only 2 so I don't have to worry about the whole drug conversation with her for a while. I do not have any friends that do drugs now. I will not be friends with anyone that does drugs especially if they have children. Since I have done them, I know first hand how it can affect you and I will not stand for anyone to do drugs in front of or around my children. I think it is immature, irresponsible and reckless. That is my opinion.

  2. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic with 2 young children. I got clean before I had them. I can tell you from all the stories I hear in the rooms that alot of us grew up with parents that used. I would not take my children to those peoples house anymore if I were you. It is just not necessary for them to around that type of behavior. Just my opinion

  3. I disagree. I don't think that drugs really are different.

    Especially when kids get the message that all drugs are bad, and if you're getting it illegally it's a drug. After all, marijuana can never be fatal when ingested, as opposed to, say, alcohol or caffeine. But when kids are told that pot is just as bad as, say, cocaine, they end up with in much more dangerous situations.

    My dad smoked pot my whole childhood. And as an adult, I use it occasionally. And during my teen years, I was caught smoking pot one time. Only one time. And I will never forget my father's lecture.

    It wasn't about the dangers of marijuana, he knew perfectly well that I knew the facts about pot. It was about getting caught. He said, "If I can catch you, the police can catch you. And it's illegal, and if you're caught until you're 18 I will go to jail, and after that YOU will go to jail."

    And frankly, that was a good lesson. We do illegal things all the time when they're harmless. Say, not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, or copying CDs of DVDs for friends, or spitting on the sidewalk in some states. And if you're doing those things cautiously, in full knowledge that they're illegal because somebody COULD potentially be hurt, then nobody is as likely to be hurt. But if you're cavalier about it... like it seems your friends were, that definitely teaches a lesson that it's okay to just flaunt your illegal activity in the open. When I was a kid, my parents hid my father's pot use because my school taught us that if our parents used drugs, and we loved them, we would turn them in to the police. I firmly believe that my occasionally stoned dad was a much better parent than any foster situation could have been.

    And teaching our kids to use any substance responsibly is something thta we should all take very seriously.

  4. Eeek. That is a tough one. I think it is really up to each parent to decide whether this okay or not. For me, it is not okay. But I am sure that there are plenty of parents who think it is totally fine. Hi! I am a new follower from the Finding New Friends Blog Hop. Please follow me back via Google Friends Connect and any other methods you would like and please feel free to drop by Horseshoes anytime!

  5. I totally agree with Supermommy. Someone needs to define what drugs are. If that definition reads something like " a substance that alters the mind" then food, television, and internet should be labeled as drugs. I'd rather teach moderation than pray for abstention.

    1. I agree I think moderation is fine in some cases - alcohol, caffeine, and yes even screen time can be a drug. My daughters recently had a talk about drugs at school and then asked me why I drink alcohol and Coke if it's a drug. I admitted that yes they are drugs, but I purposely don't have more than 2 Cokes a day as otherwise I can't sleep due to the effects of the caffeine. I drink wine and beer because I enjoy the taste and don't drink so much that it affects my brain or judgement.

      I wrote this post a while ago and we don't really socialize with the hostess of this particular party anymore. No big fallout just grew apart as our interests and values are different.

      The other two I am still friends with and I think they do occasionally smoke pot but not when my kids or I are around so it's all kind of resolved itself.


I love all your comments, but admittedly have been a slacker about replying to all your kind words. I've recently received a bit of spam on my posts so will now be moderating any comments - and not allowing anonymous commenting. I hope that will help me stay on top of replies.